Eight Legs, Three Breakdowns

     We bring November to a close with a focus on movies about webspinners not obsessed over by J. Jonah Jameson. Three guys terrified of small eight legged pests watch four movies where they destroy the world and confirm all our worst fears. It was a fun week...

     To kick this torture festival off, we take a look at the spider movie from the production company that made the most nightmares for children of the 80s and 90s... Arachnophobia. When a big city doctor, who is highly terrified of spiders, moves out to a small country town, because those places aren't full of little death dealing arachnids, to take over a medical practice. He just happens to bring his family at the same time as a newly discovered and highly lethal species of spider shows up.

     Next a pair of 1970s b-movie creature features. Strange things are afoot as a normally harmless and solitary species starts to bring down bovines in a swarm. Only William Shatner and a beautiful expert from out of town stands between the evolving menace and a town full of tasty people. Can they bring down a Kingdom of the Spider?

     Then our very reality is under attack from geode riding interdimensional spiders of unusual size. Can The Skipper and Della Street save us? No, of course they can't! We discover out how horrible the end of humanity will be with The Giant Spider Invasion.

     To put the final touch on our communal suffering, David Arquette returns to his hometown after a decade of being away to romance the sheriff and strike it even richer as long as he can survive the 200 giant Eight Legged Freaks. I can only suspect that filming this broke costar Scarlett Johansson on some level as her career keeps going back to the spider theme... Not just the obvious Black Widow joke but also a wink to Under the Skin where she's pretty damn spider-like. We are multi-layered like that here.
     All that and three grown men have multiple terror induced crying fits. Join us, won't you?

Episode 130- Eight Legs, Three Breakdowns

Dragged Across Dog Park

     Kieran joins us again and brings the beaten, bloated, slightly smelling of certain cheese Mel Gibson of today with him. Mel lends a certain cred to the most recent film by S. Craig Zahler, Dragged Across Concrete. Then we finally deliver a message of "suck it you little shit" from a father to his son with the manipulative as hell Marley & Me.

     All that and Tyler ugly cries, Kevin gets digital, Kieran side eyes a razor, and Dave rants (okay, that last one isn't a surprise at all). Join us, won't you?

Episode 129- Dragged Across Dog Park

Cello Graffiti

     This week a new guest, one without the stink of hopelessness we have put on the usual suspects, joins us. In the naive hope that we could go easy on them in kind, Lucas Wagoner submits South Korean gangster action drama A Bittersweet Life for our viewing pleasure. Very pleased we are. It was a good gamble. Tragically the film gods RotP make sacrifices to are vicious in the demanda for blood and pain. So to appease SisBert the UnMaltined, we rebut with the most Tyler of Tyler picks. A film of single dim vision from the creative force that is Mickey Rourke, Bullet.
     All that and Dave suffers at the hands of a mouse, Kevin learns the joys of wait listing, and Tyler tries to answer the unanswerable question of "Who is the greatest rapper turned actor". Join us, won't you?

Episode 128- Cello Graffiti

Noirvember Anemoia

     It's a Raymond Chandler evening as we get deep into the cold heart of the wicked city in all it's rainy, dark, fatalistic glory. 

     First up, DMX and Ernest Dickerson team up for Never Die Alone, a modern take on a classic Donald Goines novel. Then we take a sci-fi detour to the tragically overlooked precursor to The Matrix and follow up to The Crow, Alex Proyas' last film before he went absolutely Uwe Boll- Dark City. Finally we end with a pair of quintessential classic noirs Out of the Past, a former private eye turned gas station owner's past catches up with him, and The Killers, a former boxer turned gas station attendant's past catches up with him. They aren't nearly as similar as that summery sounds.

     All that and every Tyler has his day, Dave gets his art film on, and Kevin goes to the theater. Join us, won't you?

Episode 127- Noirvember Anemoia

Please Won't You Be My Reporter?

     This week we wonder into the bayou of our own journalistic integrities or get our veal kink on? I'm still not sure but I assure you that both movies this week are very telling about all our mental states. Probably. Not. But that sure does sound better.
     First up is a harrowing trek through the sultry, sticky, sweaty, campy, melodramatic that is life in Florida but this time with a pair of journalists trying to free a convicted killer at the behest of his prison pen pal who is really ready to jump his funny bone (funny because it's inverted) while a recent college washout looks on. Lee Daniels gets all over the top style and a performance that nabbed his star the coveted Alliance of Women Film Journalists "Actress Most in Need of a New Agent" award... The Paperboy.
     Visiting on sweaty Southern state isn't enough. So we make a detour to Cutter, Mississippi... a town where everyone is either working for the local drug distribution network, the state police, or Troy's Meat Packing and Exotic Safaris. After returning from the military to his boring old job loading cars with coke and hot swapping plates, John, played by The Collector's Josh Stewart, is desperate to get away. Tragically, his wife Rosie, played by Alex Essoe of Starry Eyes, makes the really stupid mistake of watching their neighbor, Bill Engvall channelling all his anger at not being the break out Blue Collar Comedy star, shoot someone he was going to butcher for hungry New Yorkers with a taste for redneck flesh. Written and directed by the team behind The Collection, beware of The Neighbor.

     Plus... Dave gushes about a True American Hero, Tyler hits triple digit views of a very special film, Kevin makes a choice, and Chris gets served with a protection order by his favorite West Virginia native. Join us, won't you?
EPISODE 126- Please, Won't You Be My Reporter?

What an Excellent Day for an Exorcist Special

     This week we don our collarini and cassocks and take a long hard look into the abyss which glares back. That's right, it's finally time for Raiders to entrench deeply in the war against Pazuzu and watch all five Exorcist films. From the grand kickoff for the soul of young Regan to James Earl Jones in the latest cricket inspired loungewear to the imperator's return to the streets of Georgetown to Renny Harlin's scrabble to rebuild on the scorched and salted Earth that is his career to the limp Charlie Brown football gag played on Paul Schrader! We take that Super Soaker of Holy Water to the eye so you don't have to. Though you probably already have... so I guess we are here to commiserate? Why not!
     All that AND... Dave digs through sentient and aggressive mold with a toothbrush and bleach for a friend! Kevin goes full Freakin' Friedkin multiple times! Tyler's head spins and recites my account numbers backward! Anna takes a long dark tour through the side streets of her sanity!
     Join us, won't you?


EPISODE 125- What an Excellent Day for an Exorcist Special


   

You're So Vein

     The Horror... the...horror... the... Wacky Vampy! This week we take a look at some creatures of the night who don't quite fit in the standard Nosferatu casket. 
    First up, Abel Ferrara shows he has a copy of Famous Philosopher Quotes Abridged on his nightstand with his vampire as addict parable... The Addiction.

     Next, we listen to the beautiful music they make, learn how fast a vampiric infestation can take over a small town, and struggle with our group lust for 1980s Karen Black with Children of the Night.

    The Cryptkeeper reminds us why he's still our One True Love, even when delivering lesser tales of annoying Dennis Millers, because he makes amends in a very special way in Bordello of Blood. 

     Finally we finish up with a movie that has long been threatened and finally delivered... George Romero's first delivery of Tom Savini as BEEFCAKE... Martin.
     All that and Dave has a crisis of faith, Kelly discusses the finer points of emotional scarification for children, Kevin thinks his cape and kilt ensemble is all the rage, and Tyler causes a splash to prove that EVERYONE loves trash and gingers. Join us, won't you?
Episode 124- You're So Vein

Episode 124- You're So Vein