That's No Moon

     This week we bring 2023 to a close with our most topical episode yet... 

     After Augie Steenbeck and his family arrive for the Junior Stargazers Convention, he is convinced to finally tell his four children about the death of their mother. Soon Midge Campbell, a weary actress, and her daughter occupy the cabin next door as the little roadside destination is full of kids, singing cowboys, and high ranking military personnel. All of which will be dwarfed by a close encounter and the metafictional nature of it all. Wes Anderson's latest feature, Asteroid City.
     The Motherworld has long been a vast monarchist military empire supported by endless conquest and currently fueled by rage over their assassinated royal family. When the all consuming machine reaches the quiet farming planet of Veldt, the garrison left behind will push the people into revolt. Giving former soldier, Kora, only 9 weeks to rally support for the usually peaceful inhabitants. Zach Snyder's first entry in what he hopes to make a sprawling sci-fi epic, Rebel Moon- Part One: A Child of Fire.
     All that and Dave ages, Kevin still feels the holly jolly, Tyler swings manically, and Craig prepares a tearful goodbye for Mr. Beepy. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 341- That's No Moon

Go Gift Yourself

     This week we celebrate the holiday with three films set in mid to late December.

     With the holidays around the corner, nine 20-somethings have a crazy night. Ronna and her two friends got to a Santa rave and try to get into dealing to pay her rent. Simon takes his three friends to Vega and shenanigans ensue. Adam and Zach are actors helping a cop with some undercover buys and then they try to get revenge on the show crew member that seduced them both. A late-90s studio cult classic that attempts to capture the indie crime film vibe of the era, Go.
     Jesse Genesis' father has been missing since being in a theater that had a mass shooting event two years ago. Jesse convinces himself that if he can earn his black belt in the week before Christmas, at the rate of a belt a day, his father will come home. At night, Jesse has dreams of the shooter rambling his manifesto guiding his efforts. Meanwhile, Jesse's mother falls in with a psychic law professor. A truly terrible movie where half of the footage is edited out of an earlier terrible movie, A Karate Christmas Miracle.
     Anna has to accept that plans for the future are derailed by a zombie outbreak. John just wants to be near Anna. Chris is trying to reunite with his girlfriend and grandmother. Steph just wants her car back. Nick is having the time of his life, finally being able to indulge in his more brutal inclinations. The vice principle goes mad with power. All while constantly breaking into pop songs. A newer Scottish cult classic that has a fanbase as rabid as any, Anna and the Apocalypse.
     The sorority sisters have been getting calls from The Moaner for a little while now. On the last night before everyone separates for their winter break, the calls take a darker turn and now the house residents are being picked off one by one. Bob Clark's classic slasher film which established so many still used tropes and still casts a long shadow, Black Christmas.
     All that and Dave and Kevin get festive, Tyler finally realizes a dream he's been dreaming all year, and Craig leaves messages across the great digital wasteland. Join us, won't we?
   Episode 340- Go Gift Yourself

Is That a Baton in Your Pocket

     This week someone attempts to subvert a democratic process and a weekend trip goes very wrong.

     When Big D, a candidate for Wo Ling Shing triad's biennial chairman election, refuses to accept the outcome things take an immediate turn to the violent. Loyalties shift quickly and without warning as the two sides search desperately for the dragonhead baton, the symbol of the chairman's authority. Can Lok, the winner of the Uncle's vote, bring them all together or will everything rupture under him? Will Jimmy, a triad member with dreams of legitimacy, be able to do what needs to be done to end the fighting in the streets? The first chapter in Johnnie To's epic saga of unchecked greed and ambition seething under a show of pomp and tradition, Election.
     After Jennifer has her history of justified retribution mocked and derided by a law professor on the first day of classes, she decides to blow off higher education for a long vacation in a cabin in the woods with her friend Sam. Just a couple hours after hitting town, Jennifer will live through another nightmare encounter with a local Conway Twitty impersonating gas station attendant and his slow witted but homicidal friend. Will Sam take heed of the stranger danger lessons of her teen years? Can Jennifer just have a nice weekend by a lake without an assault happening? Donald Farmer's unauthorized sequel to a late-70s cult favorite, that so gleefully crossed the line he was sued by the original filmmakers, Savage Vengeance.
     All that and Dave's frozen corpse is retrieved and revived by a humanist organization, Kevin learns many valuable things that he hadn't thought to explore, Craig plans revenge on the worlds third largest fire alarm manufacturers, and Tyler faces some difficult choices that may fundamentally change the very nature of his sense of self. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 338- Is That a Baton in Your Pocket?

Hairy Yutes

     This week- a pair of men who claim to forge their own paths while desperate from acknowledgment from the establishment.

     When his ICP derivative rap career fails to take off and his girlfriend leaves him, Jason he takes up stalking. Like all stalking, it isn't long before it evolves into full on murder plots. The second feature from writer/director Michael Curtis Johnson, an attempt to bring pathos to a crime without any of the real details that might get in the way, Savage Youth.
     When a Sir Lionel, a struggling cryptid hunter, gets a mysterious letter promising him the chance to find incontrovertible proof of bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest. He rushes immediately to the scene, only to discover the creature itself sent the letter in order to ask a favor almost as large as its shoe size. The second directorial effort from Chris Butler and Laika, the best Western animation studio currently active, Missing Link.
     All that and Craig continues to chirp, Dave visits his favorite shop on The Citadel, Kevin's heart did not grow after stealing a Christmas tree as promised, and Tyler leans back to reap what he's sowed. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 338- Hairy Yutes

Down and Dirty

     This week- a pair of comedies.

     When two high schools are consolidated a senior, Alan Musgrave, dedicates his life to making sure a new schoolmate, Barbara Ann Greene, gets everything she desires. From sweaters to matricide, Alan is happy to oblige. A buckshot satire of 1960s pop culture directed by one of the era's best comedy writers, Lord Love a Duck.
     When two con men, Lawrence Jamieson and Freddy Benson, find themselves at odds with each other, they settle it the only way they can- with elaborate schemes in a race to be the first to relieve an heiress of $50,000. From royals in exile to grannies desperate for an operation, Lawrence and Freddy are happy to steal from the rich and give to themselves. A 1980s comedy classic from a group of absolute legends writing and directing, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
     All that and Craig swears the fire alarm has chirped its last, Kevin finds a light to brighten up the noir, Tyler double dips in public, and Dave finds a nice quiet corner to read. Join us, won't you?

  Episode 337- Down and Dirty

Miraculous Mouse Meds

     This week we end November with a trio of movies that make us feel good.

     What happens when the world's most beautiful girl marries the world's most handsomest prince- and he turns out to be a real piece of shit? A tale of True Love, high adventure, miracles, fencing, giants, and torture. Rob Reiner's film based on William Goldman's adaption of S. Morgenstern's history of his native Florin, The Princess Bride.
     What happens when a once rich string magnate leaves his sons nothing but a rundown factory, a more rundown house with a loan taken against it, and a box of cigars infested with roaches? A tale of bad reversals of fortune, psychological warfare, predator and prey games, and torture. Gore Verbinski's feature debut, Mouse Hunt.
     What happens when a pair of stoner buddies, both of second generation Americans of Asian decent, get a bad case of the munchies and their most desired choice closed the nearest location four years ago? A tale of what should have been a short trip turned into an epic trip across just a few miles of highway, with helpful if boiled mechanics, fallen television heroes, extreme sports enthusiasts, dreams of small square hamburgers, and, of course, torture. The first of a wildly popular cult trilogy, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (aka Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies in the UK).
     All that and Tyler tried to revive the hat buckle, Kevin might not get the assignment, Dave makes a room inventory, and Craig just doesn't feel the love like he should. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 336- Miraculous Mouse Meds

French Pressed

     This week- we like French films, a pair of pretentious boring French films, we like French films, three tickets s'il vous plaît.

     Monsieur Hulot, the legendary signature character of Jacques Tati, is a man overwhelmed and confused by the new modernity of Paris, as he and others stumble through six segments both lampooning and celebrating modernist life, and repeatedly encounters, Barbara, a young American tourist who longs to see the old romantic soul of Paris under its gleaming glass and steel skin. Tati's staggeringly massive auteuristic undertaking that both bankrupted him and firmly established his place among the greatest directors in the history of the medium, Playtime.
     Controversial American writer, director, photographer, and lover of nubile young flesh, Larry Clark, turns his specific view of youth culture on Parisians. Math is a bored skater with a horrific homelife who takes up prostituting himself to earn shocking amounts of overpayment for services rendered from kinky older men. JP, Math's best friend and fellow escort, soon begins to realize his love for Math is far from platonic. Marie is the girl who hangs around them in a couple scenes so we can firmly establish the boys sexual preferences. Marie also flirts with a third young sex worker, who only works with older women so he can provide for his family. Soon all the kids find themselves in a whirlpool of sex, drugs, skate videos, and a few more serious felonies. None of them will ever be able to wash off The Smell of Us.
     All that and Kevin gets fitted for a new trench coat, Dave does as little as possible, and Tyler scents all over his happy place.
   Episode 335- French Pressed

Catastrophic Corrosion

     This week two movies about people making violent choices. 

     The body of a young woman is dumped on Hampstead Heath. It falls to Police Superintendent Hazard, the only not massively racist cop in London, to find the killer. Before long, he and his casually racist Inspector look through jazz clubs and middle class workshops for who might have murdered the biracial victim and realizing that "Hey, there's a lot of racism, isn't there?". Winner of the 1960 Edgar Award for Best Foreign Screenplay, Sapphire.
     Following in her missing mother's footsteps, Sam works as an assassin for shadowy global dominating organization, The Firm. Tragically, Sam overindulges in a murder spree and accidentally kills the son of a rival group's leader and is offered up by her bosses to make amends. Fortunately, her mother suddenly returns and her mother's librarian friends help. Neon and sugar and homages, Gunpowder Milkshake.
     All that and Dave resumes the Great Work, Kevin refuses to go anywhere without proper noir levels ambient lit of fog, and Tyler realizes that his apple didn't fall far from Papa T's tree. Join us, won't you?

   Episode 334- Catastrophic Corrosion

Ways of Bushi

     This week two movies about modern versions of ancient codes and professions just trying to survive. 

     Martha only gets through every day without any thought to what else there could be in her life. The new girl, Nandia, only dreams of something more and how to move up the ladder. Soon they are drawn together but what happens when one starts to be left behind as the other never stops looking for what is next? How far can they go before one is just a lingering reminder of earlier times? How will they adapt to their quickly changing world and how long until they are pulled apart? Dennis Iliadis' 2004 debut feature, Hardcore.
     To repay local mobster Louie for saving his life years earlier, an enigmatic man who views himself as a modern samurai becomes the best hitman working. Modeling his life off the writings in Hagakure and communicating only through messenger pigeons, it is a perfect siltation for both Louis and his retainer. Until they are ordered to kill the made man sleeping with the head of the Vargo Family's daughter. In order to cover their connection to this unsanctioned hit, the whole force of the family is coming down on... Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. 
     All that and Dave gets ranty about ancient Japanese philosophy, Kevin tries to clear his head for some noir goodness, and Tyler learns how to be trashy in multiple languages. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 333- Ways of Bushi

Burying the Hatchet

     This week we close out the October Horror Challenge with three movies featuring derailed travel plans.
     It is Christmas Eve and Frank has decided to take a short cut through remote back roads to his mother-in-law's house. Late at night, in a Jeep Grand Cherokee loaded down with goodies, his wife, son, daughter, and daughter's boyfriend, they have a near miss accident. Soon the group finds themselves being picked off one by one, taken by a large black hearse. Will Frank get his family to safety? Can his wife eat a whole pie in under a minute? Just what movie does his son think he's in? An English-language French production, Dead End.
     Frank and Ethel are celebrating their 25th anniversary with a road trip with their three kids, infant grandchild, two German Shepherds, and whiny son-in-law. They stop for gas while taking in the sights of the New Mexico desert. When the friendly attendant gives them a short cut, they don't suspect for a moment it will actually lead them to his nuclear radiation mutated family of cannibals. When the family suffers devastating loses, the remaining members decide to get back those they can and make a stand in the sunbaked landscape. Director Alexandre Aja's first English-language feature and a remake of Horror Master Wes Craven's film of the same name, The Hills Have Eyes.
     A decade after narrowly surviving a horrifying slaughter in Honey Island Swamp, Andrew Yong has milked the well of his celebrity dry. When his publicist gives him an offer to go back to the swamp for an anniversary interview with a large payday, he reluctantly agrees. Little does he know that others are nearby foolishly playing with forces they can't comprehend. No amount of money is worth trying to survive the resurrection of... Victor Crowley.
All that and Dave gets weird in Italy, Kevin gets a crash course in amphibian biology, and Tyler rises to be supreme commander of a retail resistance. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 332- Burying the Hatchet

Franchising! The Sequel! Part VIII The Musical

     This week- two films that franchise unlikely originals, an inevitable sequel, and a frustrated Scotsman only out for revenge at this point.

     After surviving her second night in Honey Island Swamp, Marybeth Dunston walks into a police station with the scalp of Victor Crowley. Now Sheriff Fowler leads a team out to see the carnage but it's only a matter of time until Victor returns. The only entry not directed by franchise creator, Adam Green, Hatchet III.
     The twin cities of Texarkana, Texas and Texarkana, Arkansas have lived in the shadow of the Phantom Killer since their 10 week long reign of terror from February to May 1946. Deciding to embrace it, the state line divided communities have yearly Halloween screenings of the 1976 docudrama horror film The Town That Dreaded Sundown. In 2013, a pair of kids leave a makeshift drive-in screening, only to find themselves confronted by a new Phantom Killer. A metafictional sequel produced by Jason Blum and Ryan Murphy, The Town That Dreaded Sundown.
     In a small middle-American town parents have been gathered to hear the tragic story of Jimmy Harper. Jimmy is a normal clean-cut kid, doing well in school, a leader of the local 4H, and in love with the girl next door Mary Lane. Until the day he meets Jack at the local soda shop and is lured to Jack's marijuana den with the promise of swing dance lessons. Before you know it, Jimmy is hooked and going down the depravity drain to murder and prison. The TV movie adaptation of a stage musical adaptation of a classic exploitation film, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical.
     Join us, won't you?
  Episode 331- Franchising! The Sequel! Part VIII The Musical

Swamps for the Sweet

     This week some movies with film directors slaughtered, coitus interruptus, and not enough Tony Todd (but, really, is it ever?).

     Arletty's artist father has vanished. So she goes to his small California coastal town to find him. Instead all she finds is his journal, a trio of wonderers, and some nightly moonbathers awaiting a return from the sea. An atmospheric curiosity from the decade of feathered hair and oil crises... Messiah of Evil.
     A ridiculously creepy German photographer has absolutely no issues commuting the least interesting murder spree ever put to film despite openly stalking children and being prone to shouting about Hitler at everyone on first meeting them. A movie whose limp attempt at viral marketing has left a lingering bad taste in the mouths of many online horror communities... Murder-Set-Pieces. 
     Return once again to the sleepy wetlands of Honey Island Swamp, where the screams of those who wonder into the territory of Victor Crowley ring out. Picking up immediately where the previous film ended, sole survivor Marybeth Dunston enlists the aide of local entrepreneur Reverend Zombie to end the swamp's curse once and for all. Assuming everyone doesn't get a... Hatchet II ...the face this time.
     Artist Anthony McCoy is struggling to find inspiration until his girlfriend's brother tells him the story of Helen Lyle, who went on a killing spree and kidnapped a baby before throwing herself into a bonfire. As Anthony digs deeper into the truth of the story, and the history of the currently gentrifying area it happened in, he learns of the cyclical nature of an ever renewing legend. Arguably the best legacy sequel so far, do not say his name five times in a mirror... Candyman.
All that and Dave acknowledges why he's going to die alone, Tyler self-soothes, and Kevin admires his vast tunnels full of horded discs located deep below his home. Join us, won't we?
   Episode 330- Swamps for the Sweet

Boonie Respite Pad

     Starting October with three trips deep into some backwoods. 

     A gaggle of Mardi Gras tourists take a haunted boat tour through the bayou outside of New Orleans. Unfortunately, the boat soon sinks and the tour group find themselves stranded right in front of the home of Victor Crowley, a violent spirit of revenge. Will anyone make it back to the bright lights, plastic beads of the city? Will they all be picked off in cartoonishly violent ways before dawn? Will Victor Crowley ever stay down? All these questions have the same answer in Adam Green's Hatchet.
     The proud new owners of an idyllic lake side vacation home hidden deep in the woods have a less than relaxing time on their first trip to the property. After an awkward encounter and watery rescue, they find themselves under constant attack from a group of suicidal college kids. Nine college friends are going for a camping trip. After they are accosted by a threatening man, who later kidnaps their friend, they will try desperately to save her. Will an inability to properly express themselves lead to death and ruin for all? Can the hapless home owners find the vacation home of their dreams? Or will all be swallowed whole after Tucker & Dale vs Evil?
     In the Black Hills of Maryland, outside the small town of Burkittsville, the spirit of a witch, put to death in 1888, might be waiting to prey on any who stumble into her woods. In 1994 Heather, Mike, and Josh set out to make a documentary about this myth and were never seen again. One  year later, their footage was found. One of the most profitable films of all time, thanks in part to the first truly viral marketing campaign of the internet era, and popularized the found footage style, The Blair Witch Project.
     All that and Dave gets a jump on the challenge, Tyler remembers his whimsical youth, Kevin unfolds his plans for domination, and Craig contemplates a horrible inevitability. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 329- Boonie Respite Pad

In a Blink

     This week we cap off September with four sweetly brief movies holding runtimes under 80 minutes.

     England, 1941, German planes fill the night skies and the Angel of Portobello is giving accurate warnings to the public, keeping casualties to a minimum. Broadcasting secretly, the Hanbury sisters have built an incredible machine that can and will change history as we are aware of it. A feature debut of impressive technical mastery, LOLA.
     Philip Winthrop travels to his fiancée's childhood home, a crumbling old structure on blighted land, to bring her back to Boston.  He doesn't expect the opposition her brother brings to his plans, begging him to allow them to silently fall apart with the house. The wall cracks increase with both men's desperation to achieve their desired outcomes. The first of Roger Corman's Poe Cycle for American International Pictures, House of Usher.
     When Khoma Brutus and his friends are lost on their way home to their seminary, they take refuge in the home of a witch for the night. Events will soon conspire for Khoma to stand a three night vigil for the soul daughter of a rich merchant and witchy revenge. A Soviet era classic based on the story by Nikolai Gogol, Viy.
    A vacationing American couple go scuba diving, only to find themselves left behind by their tour boat. Stranded, miles from anywhere without any supplies and a circle of sharks tightening around them, the couple tries to endure. Inspired by actual events that had a lasting impact on the scuba tourism industry and left a mystery that will never be solved, Open Water. 
    All that and we prepare for the delights of October. Join us, won't we? 
   Episode 328- In a Blink

Mass Rockogenic Illness

     This week a pair of films about finding acceptance and artistic expression in Ohio.

     Introverted and shy 11-year old Toni decides to stop boxing and try out for a local dance team that practices in the same building. Soon afterwards, a mysterious illness begins sweeping through the girls. As the violent seizure epidemic continues, Toni tries to find acceptance. A devastatingly powerful directorial debut with an amazing performance at its center, The Fits.
     Single mother Patti and her brother Joe, who works in a factory by day, struggle to make ends meet and play in a band at night with dreams of being something bigger. After Joe is laid off, the pair attempt to take their band on tour. While it appears to be successful, they all find themselves still struggling with finances, leading to a split between the siblings. Another Paul Schrader film about people who keep themselves prisoners of the past but in a different setting than most of his work, Light of Day.
     Join us, won't we?
   Episode 327- Mass Rockogenic Illness

A Fistful of Pamphlets

     This week- a pair of films about love and how it can go bad, especially under extreme circumstances.

     When 90s Emo Kid Jamie's father passes away, she is shipped off to live with her aunt and uncle, a pair of devout Jehovah's Witnesses, living in a devout religious enclave. When Jamie catches the eye of the religious leader's daughter, Marike, a tender romance begins. Stolen glances and awkward casual intimacy can only last for so long under strictly intolerant conditions. The feature debut from Sarah Watts and Mark Slutsky, You Can Live Forever.
     When rebellious teen, Tobe, learns gas station attendant, Harlan, has never seen the ocean, she decides to take him to the beach. Harlan and Tobe's relationship soon comes into conflict with her violent outburst prone father and Harlan's less than firm grasp on the reality of situations. A cowboy tale set in more modern suburbia, debuting in the Cannes Film Festival's Un Certain Regard, David Jacobson's Down in the Valley.
     All that and Dave accidentally slips some spoilery hints (this is your fair warning), Craig does us all a solid, Tyler shops for new trash cans with better gripability, and Kevin returns with a velour allergy from a restful week in a Leeds sex dungeon. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 326- A Fistful of Pamphlets

Coyote Enfeeblement

     This week a pair of horror thrillers that have somehow skipped many people's radar. 

     When Nina, Hesty, and Pono decide to go camping on a lake for the weekend, they never expected to meet a pair of hunky divers. When Caroko hired Johan and Tommy to dive for a missing treasure, totally expecting they would be picked off one by one if they didn't work fast enough. An Indonesian thriller that takes a hard left in its last act to become a semi-remake of an 80s slasher classic- Srigala (aka Wolf).

     In the summer of 1979, the father of Adam and Fenton Meiks is visited by an angel. The angel commands him to destroy demons disguised as normal people. In 2001, Fenton Meiks enters the FBI's Dallas field office and tells his story to the agent in charge of the recent God's Hand serial killings. The only feature directed by Bill Paxton, Frailty.
     All that and Craig gets classy, Dave is completely incapable of properly pronouncing anything, and Tyler unveils his most evil scheme yet. Join us, won't we?
    Episode 325- Coyote Enfeeblement

Greeting Knoll

     This week- a piercer gone too far and ten attempts to summit an incline. 

     The 3rd Battalion, 187th Infantry, 101st Airborne Division receive five fresh replacements. They are placed under battle-weary Frantz, who has only a brief amount of time to get them ready for a major operation in the A Shau Valley. The battalion faces unexpected resistance while trying to take Hill 937. Over the course of ten days, Hill 937 would become a pivotal battle that lead to a massive shift in the US strategy, including, the first withdrawals, and leave the battle know as Hamburger Hill.
     Helverton, Colorado is a nice mountain town where a shockingly large percentage of the population is into Urban Primitivism. This doesn't even register to the police or normies until one takes things too far. Hunting mid90s chatrooms under the screenname Captain Howdy, a predator is capturing and torturing young teens. When Howdy takes the daughter of a local detective, no one suspects the events that will unfold and the lasting scars left on the town. A film read the coming trends a bit too early for audiences, Strangeland.
     All that and Dave learns how to use AOL, Craig considers investing in a slip on catheter company, Tyler loves like a loving lover loves, and Kevin dreams of distant pastures and gasoline. Join us, won't we?
    Episode 324- Greeting Knoll

Steven Seagal: Worse Than A Stroke

     This week we close the month with a four pack of Steve Seagal in the 21st Century. 

     When ICE arrest a pair of OTMs (Other Than Mexican) who are affiliated with both AQAP AND Daesh (which would never happen) blows open a conspiracy of the (long defunct) Sonora Cartel smuggling in terrorists. A collaboration for reasons that aren't made very clear. The federal government has only one man to turn to, former DEA/CIA/FBI/USASF asset John Harmon. Harmon once was in a Sonora compound and that's why he's the only man who can lead this mission, the why wasn't made very clear, but for some reason they gave him a... CONTRACT TO KILL!
     The world has fallen to an outbreak of viral vampirism. A band of former military, led by a mysterious man called Tao, roams the wastes killing the infected with bladed weapons and leather coats for... reasons... bad ass reasons you wouldn't understand. Meanwhile, poor deserves better than this Keith David and Linden Ashby clash heads as one wants to, rightly, flash fry the overwhelmed with infected building Tao's group is wondering through for reasons that aren't made very clear. Who can stand... AGAINST THE DARK!!
     Marshall Law, not the Tekken character.... yeah... I got excited too, leads an elite unit for the US Military in France. In theory anyway because his whole unit is murdered on their first night together. This brings Law into an elaborate conspiracy of French mobsters and super drugs... and maybe aliens... who plan on poisoning the Parisian water supply to turn everyone into an addicted murder machine. For reasons that aren't made very clear. Who will survive the... ATTACK FORCE!!!
     After single handedly saving the Vice President of the United States from a militant group's assassination attempt, Detroit detective Orin Boyd, is punished and sent to the city's worst precinct. Before long, Boyd accidentally disrupts a sting operation against drug dealer Latrell Walker and makes an enemy of the undercover officer involved. Soon everything will be made so explicitly clear. Everywhere Boyd goes he leaves a lot of... EXIT WOUNDS!!!!
     All that and Dave takes a boat trip, Craig's machinations finally spring their trap, Kevin reveals the extent of his emotional traumas, and Tyler does so much homework that we all worry for his safety. Join us, won't you?

    Episode 323- STEVEN SEAGAL: WORSE THAN A STROKE

Party by Gaslight

     This week- a missing child might never have existed and a deadly game that could destroy the global economy.

     Ann and her daughter have just moved from New York to London to be close to the only family they have, Ann's brother Steven. Tragedy strikes when Ann goes to pick the child up from her first day at pre-school but her child is nowhere to be seen. To make things worse, it seems no one but the family claims to have ever even seen the girl. Soon a tangled web of mental illness and jealousy will ensnare the Lakes. A mystery from a master- Bunny Lake is Missing.
     Shelly Kornpett is a dentist in Manhattan. He leads a nice calm existence and is happily looking forward to his daughter's wedding with a fine young man. All that changes when, only days before the young lovers exchange vows, he meets Vince Ricardo, father of the groom and teller of ridiculous tales. After being urged by his wife and daughter to be more open to this odd man he will soon be related to, Shelly happily obliges when Vince asks a favor the very next day. A favor that will lead him thousands of miles from home and on the run from a parade of gunmen. A classic double team comedy- The In-Laws.
     All that and Kevin watches from a bush, Tyler gets marked, and Dave gets wet. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 322- Party by Gaslight

Beatroot, Texas

     This week- two trips into unfamiliar territory in vans that become crime scenes.

     When Dean, Duncan, DJ Beatroot, and Ian are dropped off along the road to hike through the highlands for a the Duke of Edinburgh Award, they never dreamed they would be hunted by an older couple wearing masks. Soon the boys are in a desperate fight for their lives with only their limited wits and local fauna excrement to save them. Meanwhile, Sargent Morag hunts a notorious thief. A darling of the 2019 South by Southwest Film Festival and debut feature of writer/director Ninian Doff- Get Duked! (aka Boyz in the Wood).
     It's 1974, for some reason, and a van full of kids are driving through remote and empty backroads they are totally unfamiliar with on their way to see Lynyrd Skynyrd, with front row seats. They decide to pick up a second female wondering the side of the road, probably hoping she will be as friendly as the first one was. Unfortunately, the new pick up is severely traumatized and our leads are too damn thick to not get themselves killed. The first film from Platinum Dunes, the feature debut of prolific music video director Marcus Nispel, and a remake of Craig's favorite horror movie- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003).
     All that and Kevin shouts from the void, Dave eats pizza, Tyler builds a nu metal instrument, and Craig has a existential crisis. Join us, won't we?
  Episode 321- Beatroot, Texas

Work Life Unbalanced

     This week- two films about women at work and the strains it brings.

     May is an awkward and lonely woman whose only friend is a doll in a glass case. Adam, a mechanic with pretty hands, and Polly, the most aggressively predatory lesbian in a 2000s movie, enter her life she begins to take steps into the wider world. Entering a romantic relationship with Adam and endless flirting with Polly at work. When neither relationship works out as May hoped, she decides to make a friend herself. The second feature by Lucky McKee, May.
     Molly is a Yale graduate who works the day shift at a NYC brothel. Following her and her coworkers through a long day on the job. Lizzie Borden's engrossingly nonjudgmental and immaculately detailed look at the world's oldest profession, Working Girls.
     All that and Dave sees some grim grinning ghosts, Craig learns about a secret lover at a will reading, Tyler has a tough choice to make, and Kevin errs on the side of the crowd. Join us, won't we?

    Episode 320- Work Life Unbalanced

Mexican Sausage

    This week- four films from Mexico.

     Immediately before setting off to Europe for an extended trip, Doctor Alejandro Mangino stumbles on a former lover, Lucia, posing as a nude art model. His time on the other side of the Atlantic becomes a fog of booze as the good doctor begins to obsess over his former flame. Upon his return, he discovers Lucia has married his good friend Ricardo. Can the good doctor find his way out or will he be claimed by Crepúsculo (aka Twilight, 1945)?
     Elena is murdered by her husband, an act divined by destiny despite her witchy godmother and housekeeper Sara's pleas to the dark forces. Soon the homicidal husband bring home a new wife, Deborah. Deborah instantly takes a liking to the room where the previous partner took residence but soon vengeance from beyond the mortal veil will attempt to get justice. Will Elena find peace? Will Deborah find the right size bandages? Will Sara get her revenge with El espejo de la bruja (The Witch's Mirror, 1962)?
     Jenkins is a sadistic outlaw. Emiliano is the best bounty hunter in Mexico. But when a local bruja warns Emiliano not to take the bounty, he decides to party it up with his lady Eva instead. Soon outside reasons force Emiliano's hand and he finds himself having to track down Jenkins while a mysterious third party is hunting the hunter. Why is Jenkins still hanging around the area after weeks? Why is torturing snakes the only recreational activity this town has? There are no answers in Víbora caliente (Hot Snake, 1976)
     Working-class Julio, his best friend upper-class Tenoch, and Luisa, the Spanish wife of Tenoch's cousin, set off on a road trip to a beach the boys made up while trying to impress Luisa at a family social event. With only a rough idea of where to go, the trio set off through rural Mexico. The film that brought director and screenwriter Alfonso Cuarón international acclaim, Y tu mamá también (And Your Mother Too, you know I've never heard it referred to by the English title, 2001)
     All that and Tyler puts sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car, Kevin slashes the deputy's tires, Craig takes the pesos, and the id card Dave hands the Board Guard says he's Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 319- Mexican Sausage

Better Than Scarlet Diva?

     This week a pair of European movies about women finding themselves.

     Anna Battista, a young and beautiful award winning actress, is desperate to spread her creative wings. Tragically, everyone tries to keep her down despite everyone around her totally seeing how brilliant she is and how great her movie would be. Even more tragically, Anna has a taste for massive amounts of recreational narcotics, a penchant for racism, and is quick to obsess over the worst musicians she can find. The semi-autobiographical directorial debut from Asia Argento, Scarlet Diva.
     Diane lives with her younger brother and single father. Being a lonely teen with raging hormones, she tries to unsuccessfully explore her burgeoning sexuality with a local boy. Fortunately, a wild new neighbor is happy to drag Anna along on her casual sexual adventures. Will Diane embrace her friend's ways or forge her own path? Some call it an oedipal complex but the French call it Puppylove.
     All that and Kevin waxes lyrical, Dave takes a secret nap, Craig has a fistfight with a hairstylist, and Tyler tries to prove that he's the only man who will love her more than her father.
     Join us, won't we?
   Episode 318- Better Than Scarlet Diva?

Hill Street Boos

    This week- a couple of scam artists and a fistful of cops.

     Rookie cop Roy reports for duty in East LA. He is partnered with Andy, a veteran quickly approaching mandatory retirement. Roy thinks he will only be a cop long enough to make it through law school but, for some, the job becomes their all consuming obsession. Based on the novel by Joseph Wambaugh, The New Centurions.
     George and Kathy Lutz, with Kathy's three children, move into a beautiful home with enough room for all, a massive yard, and private lake access. It's perfect... and shocking affordable, due to one of the previous residents killing their whole family. Soon after they move in, strange things begin to happen. Is the house haunted? Will George reenact the horrific events of the previous owners? Will the priest ever get Ma Bell to fix his phone? The Amityville Horror.
     All that and Dave changes shape, Tyler rolls in something, and Kevin starts betting on internet cat fights. Join us, won't you?

     Episode 317- Hill Street Boos

Tunnel of Swole

     This week- two movies with surprise orgies and appreciations for the male form in different sizes.

     Simon is a cold call scam employee in a dying relationship without any direction or joy. His last ditch effort to change his life trajectory is to join a gym and try and reclaim his body from desk degradation. He soon meets trainer Terry and everything changes. Centered by a powerhouse performance from Craig Fairbrass in a pitch black comedy about toxic masculinity and how far one can be pushed, Muscle.
     In the not too distant future, the world as we know it is over. The remains of humanity live in caves and scavenge to survive. When young David kills one of the tribe's leaders, he and his friends are banished to soon die in the wilds. Luckily they stumble on a solar powered city from the past and its two last residents. Larry Clark's entry in a series of AIP remakes with creature designs by the legendary Stan Winston Studios, Teenage Caveman.
     All that and Dave keeps skipping someone, Kevin gets life from a box set, Craig surfaces from the wastes to rasp out a warning, and Tyler indulges. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 316- Tunnel of Swole

Behemoth Meat

     This week a pair of grounded fantasies with people living their own realities.

     An Italian noble uses mercenaries to retake his city. In order to spur on his troops, he promises them 24 hours free reign to plunder as they see fit. Being as that is a stupid promise, it doesn't go well and soon the noble has the mercenaries routed from the city without their promised loot. Lost and without direction, some of them reform into a bandit group led by Martin and a statue of St. Martin. Soon they will have new home, riches, and the betrothed of one of their betrayers. As tensions rise soon nothing will stop the Flesh and Blood (stylized Flesh + Blood) from running through the streets in Paul Verhoeven's first English language film.
     Justin Playfair has spent his life fighting the system's abuses as a judge. After the death of his wife, he begins to believe himself Sherlock Holmes. In order to gain control of Justin's money, his brother tries to have him committed under the care of Doctor Mildred Watson. Soon the pair find themselves racing through New York in a desperate effort to stop the king of crime, and probably only imaginary, Moriarty. A rich cast of character actors and the makers of The Lion and Winter wonder if They Might Be Giants after all.
     All that and Dave forgets things, Kevin looks in on his favorite archeology professor, and Tyler has dreams about a nail salon. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 315- Behemoth Meat

Perturbing Behaviour

      This week three films about moral panics, the imagined threats lurking to upset social order from morality police happy to stoke public fear for a payout.

     A harmless game played by a group of college students. Nothing wrong with any of it... except... what if the game goes too far? What if an obviously schizophrenic player with a history of unresolved family trauma has a sudden and immediate break from reality while playing? It MUST be the game's fault and not anything else. I said, NOT ANYTHING ELSE, okay? Tom Hanks, in the brief period between Bosom Buddies and Splash, acts his little TV movie loving heart out while being corrupted by MAZES & MONSTERS.
     A fictionalized account of the rise of Norwegian Black Metal. Euronymous and his band Mayhem create a new subgenre that is eagerly devoured, by not just local youth, but globally. When the band is derailed by a tragedy, they regroup opening a record shop that is also a social hub for their growing brand of music. It isn't long until everything goes wrong and the dark edge of their music leads to arson and murder. Based on the book of the same name, titled after a group not connected to the events depicted here, Lords of Chaos.
     Billy Tipton was a jazz musician, talent agent, caring husband and doting father. When Billy died, a closely guarded secret was revealed, and his life was spun and reframed by tabloids and talk shows in the very LGBT unfriendly late-1980s. A meta-biographical documentary about both Tipton and some more modern trans masculine experiences. Layered revelations and personal interpretations try to reframe Billy's life and legacy from the sensationalist view that has dominated it in the decades after his death. A film about trying to have an ordinary life while being No Ordinary Man.
     All that and Tyler wears corpse paint, Dave gets his musical theater on, and Kevin casts a wide net in the cinematic ocean. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 314- Perturbing Behaviour

Reasonable Charges

     This week- a pair of films about lawbreakers who might be more than they appear.

     17-year-old Isabelle decides to start a side hustle after losing her virginity on vacation. When her favorite client, Georges, does something deeply traumatizing, Isabelle's secret life will soon be revealed. A more recent entry from Francois Ozon, one of France's most important modern filmmakers, Young & Beautiful (Jeune & Jolie).
     Early in the morning, two police detectives breakdown the door of Edward Fleming. After roughing him up, ransacking his apartment, and openly parading him, handcuffed, passed all of his neighbors, Fleming is left alone in an interrogation room without any idea why he is there. Slowly it is revealed the detectives believe he was in the company of a missing man and a stolen car but that's not what they are really after. As the hours pass a desperate game of cat and mouse develops between the three men. A film that won multiple AACTA Awards on release and driven by a powerhouse performance by Hugo Weaving, just a year before breaking through to global success with The Matrix, 1998's The Interview.
     All that and Dave watches some shorts about masculinity, Tyler jiggles his Travolta bubble erotically, and Kevin is starting to realize his partner might be planning on killing him. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 313: Reasonable Charges

Emerald Emotions

     This week green men of various sizes and the ladies who love them.

     When Bruce Banner is accidentally exposed to massive amounts of gamma radiation and exploding medical nanobots, it awakens a secret buried deep inside of him by his mad scientist father, David. Now whenever Bruce gets angry he becomes a green rage monster. Meanwhile, two estranged fathers try to use this as a way to reconnect with their children. Chaos ensues. Ang Lee's ambitious comic book adaption- Hulk.
     It's been 50 years since an accident involving lime soda and Seabrook's mysterious energy source created a zombie outbreak. In the decades that followed, the town has become stringently uniform, everyone dresses the same, the only ice cream flavor is vanilla, and cheerleading is the local obsession (because the football team has been dire since the outbreak). Now, thanks to the invention of the Z-band, zombies to live fairly normal lives in their quarantined section of the town. But change is coming, the first class of zombies are being integrated into the local high school and the cheer squad isn't happy with this development. Disney's West Undead Story- Zombies.
     All that and Kevin sees things no one should ever witness, Tyler tries to become a TV exec, and Dave slept the week away. Join us, won't we?
   Episode 312- Emerald Emotions

Boards & Bars

     This week- a pair of nightmares.

     For Michael's seventeenth birthday, his bestie Tony gifts him one of Hasbro's most popular board games and a pair of supernatural bonus gifts that apparently come with it. Now Michael has to try and save people we have to assume are his friends, despite how much believing he has friends breaks suspension of disbelief, from a serial killer. Why is Michael having these visions? Who is killing his circle of distant acquaintances? How much extra did they pay the romantic interest for her massive ability to not roll her eyes while speaking to Michael? No matter what, just Don't Panic.
     DC area punk band, Arlington's The Ain't Rights, are on an extended couch surfing tour on the other side of the country. Low on cash, out of gas, and without any future gigs they take a well paying slot in a Neo-Nazi bar somewhere outside of Portland. Soon they are drawn into a violent event that leaves them terrified, barricaded, and with little hope they will see the next morning. What happened in the Green Room?
     All that and Dave hopes dimensions to meet other Daves - they are all bastards but very pretty, Tyler plots revenge against the Pokemon Company, and Kevin swears a blood oath to the demon that lives in his neighbor's sump pump. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 311- Boards & Bars

Property Cowherd: 3 with Udo Kier

     This week we bring May to a close with a celebration of the most character of actors- Udo Kier! Two from his early days in 70s European art films and one of more recent vintage as a face among genre enthusiasts. 

     When Count Dracula, last of his line and quickly declining in health, must leave his ancestral home looking for a virgin bride for a quick sip to regain his lost strength. He travels to pre-Fascist Italy and becomes involved with the di Fiore family, impoverished landowners looking to improve their station. The only person standing in his way is estate handyman Mario, Marxist revolutionary and communal di Fiore lover. Will anyone have Blood for Dracula or will Mario sleep his way to the top of the social ladder first?
     A young photographer is taken by her lover, Renee, to a training facility for women getting deeper into the sadomasochistic lifestyle. Soon she is traded up to her lover's older step brother and sent for more training. The she's used to get her former lover a new woman by seducing her for him... and everyone is very detached and disaffected by all of it. Based on the notorious novel of the same name but jettisoning the lead's perspective to fully embrace the objectification inherent in the work- The Story of O.
     Everyone's best known little wooden boy has been fully human for a couple of years now and finds his life with old Geppetto fairly dull. Just when the old puppet maker has a bout of exhaustion, Madam Flambeau's travelling sideshow and miracle elixir sales rolls into town with a shocking number of people connected to our hero's previous adventure. Desperate to cure his father so he will have less work to do, our real live boy makes a stupid decision and signs away his life to the side show... unfortunately, the wrong person becomes a living puppet this time. However will he escape the witch's grasp? The New Adventures of Pinocchio.
     All that and Kevin shudders in delight, Tyler visits a happy place, and Dave is lost under the sea. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 310: Property Cowherd- 3 with Udo Kier

Diagnosis: Samurai Night Fever

     This week two films about Chinese-Americans and cross cultural experiences. 

     Billi maintains a close relationship with her Nai Nai (paternal grandmother), despite there being half a planet between them. When Nai Nai is diagnosed with late stage terminal lung cancer, which the rest of their family have decided to keep secret from Nai Nai. The whole family gathers under false pretenses to have The Farewell.

     Jo and Steve are purchasing their taxi medallion. Their friend, Chan, volunteers to be the transactional go-between. Unfortunately, Chan has disappeared, along with the money. The two men begin a search for their friend in San Francisco's Chinatown population. Wayne Wang's second feature and part of the US National Film Registry, Chan is Missing.

    Join us, won't you?
  Episode 309- Diagnosis: Samurai Night Fever

SCALES

     This week two movies with couples that really want to kiss but never do. 

     Mia is almost 16 and has just moved to a new town. Before long she befriends Gianna, head of a more rebellious clique, and tries to fit in. Unfortunately, she is about to undergo some changes which are a far cry from normal adolescence. The first feature by Lisa Brühlmann, Blue My Mind.
     An evil spirit takes a late night stroll and music teacher Eric Longfellow rises from his grave. Eric wastes no time in opening a new music school and starting a killing spree, where he squeezes the life force from others to extend his day pass from hell. Unfortunately, his neighbor Gerry Kinder spends an inordinate amount of time thinking about him. Soon the two men will be on a collision course to a final showdown. Don Dohler takes a break from visiting aliens to try his hand at a new kind of horror, Fiend. 
     All that and Dave watches a prison riot, Tyler pokes a bellringing Frenchman with a stick, and Kevin likes to watch. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 308- SCALES

Cosmic Anthropoid

     This week two strangers in strange lands and the rednecks that oppose them.

     When new infrared images reveal an uncharted island in the middle of the Indian Ocean, Petrox Oil sends an expedition to take samples for drilling. Along the way they pick up a stowaway paleontologist and an adrift ingenue. If they don't find oil, they will have found a forty foot tall primate named Kong by the indigenous population. The first remake of the RKO monster horror classic, King Kong.
     When an alien lifeform lands in Harleyville, Maryland it probably doesn't expect to run afoul of local jerk Joe. Soon Joe is leading a group of his drinking buddies through the woods intent on capturing the visiting green man. Don Dohler's third alien in the woods of Maryland film, Galaxy Invader.
     All that and Dave gets a kung-fu grip, Tyler sells out to the Mouse, Craig naps without his lucky undies, and Kevin watches all from his own pocket of subspace. Join us, won't you??

   Episode 307- Cosmic Anthropoid

Daddy's Back

     This week- two movies about people trapped in places they are unable to leave. Some metaphorically, others literally.

     Sascha drifts through her days, getting by as well as she can at work and with occasional visits to her young son. Maria is a dreamer who wants to be a performer and poet. When sparks fly between them, both women embrace their blooming romance but can't see how it could be threatened by their individual outlooks. The second feature by Henrika Kull, Bliss.
     Carlin just wants to keep to himself after he is transferred to a new borstal. Archer is doing his best to inconvenience the staff as peacefully as possible until his sentence is over. Alan Clarke's scathing and unflenching look at the brutality of the old UK borstal sytem, Scum.
     All that and Tyler self soothes, Craig ends his hibernation, Dave feels the ennui, and Kevin's plan for world domination begins to germinate. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 306- Daddy's Back

Are You There Log? It's Me, Margaret.

     This week we finish our journey through the Lodges and find more questions than answers in the strangest and most unlikely of places. Like Buckhorn, South Dakota.

     25 years after being trapped in the Black Lodge, Special Agent Dale Cooper final prepares to escape. Unfortunately, his evil doppelgänger has other plans. Meanwhile, old allies are called to investigate a new case which seems to connect to a case they thought was long behind them. Simultaneously, an insurance investigator in Las Vegas has a psychological episode. Also, there's a nuke. And a guy with one green glove. And a biker named James hasn't written a new song in nearly 3 decades. Plus, a small town roadhouse hires a mobbed up talent booker because how else do they pull most of these artists? 
     All that and what about BOB... and Judy? Join us, on our last trip to a little town called Twin Peaks, won't you?
   Episode 305- Are You There Log? It's Me, Margaret.

Chris Isaak's Cream Corn & Coffee

     This week- a once reviled prequel that debuted only 11 months after the series finale.

     In 1988 outside a small town in Washington state, a body, wrapped in plastic, floats down river. The body is that of Teresa Banks and the town is Deer Meadow. FBI Special Agents Chester Desmond and Sam Stanley are sent to investigate. Things do not go as expected.
     Exactly one year later, the last seven days of Laura Palmer's life play out to their brutal conclusion.
  Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me
  Episode 303- Chris Isaak's Creamed Corn & Coffee

Lost in Subplots: Twin Peaks part 2

     This week the once quiet northwestern town is hoping with pageants and pawns, simply overrun with generals and golems, and we still can't shake the feeling there might just be something in the woods watching us all.

     Special Agent Dale Cooper's first nine days in Twin Peaks couldn't possibly have prepared him for the next 22. Murders will be solved, superpowers will emerge, history will be changed, and that gum you like is definitely going to come back in style.
     All that and... well... all that. It's a LOT. For a place that everyone keeps telling us is quiet, no one seems very phased by the massive uptick of shenanigans and hijinks.
     Join us, won't you?
   Episode 303- Lost in Subplots: Twin Peaks part the 2nd

Saddle Shoes and Red Curtains: Twin Peaks season 1

     This week we discuss the first season of David Lynch and Mark Frost's influential masterpiece of mystery television.

     February 24, 1989. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper arrived in the northwestern logging town of Twin Peaks to investigate the murder of Laura Palmer, the town's most beloved resident, who washed up on a beach wrapped in plastic.
     Join us for some pie ripped from Heaven, the darkness in the woods, and a damn fine cup of black coffee, won't you?
     Episode 302- Saddle Shoes and Red Curtains: Twin Peaks season 1

Bed, Baphomet, & Beyond

     This week a pair of trips to cities of night. 

     Aaron Boone dreams of Midian, a city of monsters. Boone's psychotherapist, Dr. Decker, has a hobby he wants Boone to take credit for. Soon both men will seek out Midian and its secrets for very different reasons. Will Boone be able to lead them to a safer future or will Decker see them all destroyed? Clive Barker's second directorial feature and cult favorite with nearly as many edits as Blade Runner, Nightbreed.

     Dylan Dog was the go-to for justice among the supernatural set until his wife was murdered and he took revenge against the vampires he believed responsible. Retiring to normal human PI work, Dylan is drawn back into the nocturnal when a werewolf murders an antiquities dealer for a mystical cross that summons an unstoppable demon. Can Dylan get his groove back before its too late? Very loosely based on the Italian fumetto that has been a huge inspiration to the horror genre globally for decades, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.
     All that and Dave means Nightmare Man, Tyler gets his tv on, and Kevin vanishes under a postal delivery. Join us, won't you?
    Episode 301: Bed, Baphomet, & Beyond

Snappy Driving

    This week two films with a heavy focus on local transportation preferences.

     Frank Martin, a mercenary who specializes in the timely conveying of sensitive items and people, only has three rules. Never change the deal, no names, and never open the package. When he breaks his own rules on a delivery, his employers try to kill him, and Frank finds himself working against the clock to find a container filled with 400 trafficked people. Can Frank find the missing box before it's too late? Will insurance cover all these damages? If not can he still call himself The Transporter?
     Angelique is a sweet natured city girl who just married the burly rugged Cajun of her dreams, Big T. While getting learning the ways of the bayou, Big T's lifelong enemies are making plans. Soon their honeymoon bliss is shattered and Angelique is fighting for her life against a gang of lifelong miscreants. Will she find a way to survive of will she just be Gator Bait II: Cajun Justice?
     All that and did we mention it's out 300th episode? Join us, won't you?
   Episode 300- Snappy Driving