Masochist May: The Vicious Ziplock Jog

     Masochist May subjugates it's second week with a triple feature of unusual length.
     A chubby misogynist killer and an attractive misandrist killer get a room together and romance blossoms. That is not the beginning of a joke. I wish it was, instead it's just not very... Brutal.

     One of the widely acknowledged masterpieces for the art, by one of the most important and influential filmmakers, is a culturally shifted adaption of Shakespeare's haunting vision of collapse. Ran.

     Showtime's answer to a certain HBO anthology series. Three stories, packed with faces you know and probably at least like a little, told by John Carpenter, doing his muggy pun spewing Kevin impression, is one of the most 90s things ever. Don't ask questions, just stuff it in those Body Bags.
     All that and Dave loves Netflix's She-Ra more than he should publicly admit, Tyler regrets having to put his plan on hold, and Kevin gets classy as hell over a 2000s TV movie. Join us, won't you?

Episode 153- Masochist May: The Vicious Ziplock Jog

Masochist May: Killjoy Was Here

     Masochist May kicks off with a suggestion that made some cry and others abandon all shreds of hope left to them.
     When his car runs off the road author Paul Sheldon is taken in by his number one fan. She only has one small request for her help.... Misery.

     It's dark. Vin keeps telling us he's an anti-hero. The whole flick might really be an anti-evolution work. Who can really tell in the Pitch Black.
     The first of many listener choices this month... An evil clown, voodoo, there's an ice cream truck. Killjoy? Yes, yes, it did.
     And Tyler is forgotten, Dave is too old for drinking games, Craig's will is broken, and Kevin only makes six Dad Jokes. Join us, won't you?

Episode 152- Masochist May: Killjoy Was Here

Dark Horses

     To close out April we get our comic adaption on. Due to an extreme case of Viral Edgy we forgo the usual DC and Marvel route.
     The 90s never looked so... uh... 90s. Mega cult UK series 2000 AD's signature character hit the big screen with a whimper, a star who still to this day does not understand the property, and with such stink that it would ruin the 2012 good version years before it was even a thought bubble... the almost beautifully camp- Judge Dredd. I know you knew I was gonna say that.
     One of the most influential science fiction films of all time, a heady mix of social commentary on the consequence of technological advancement wrapped in themes of the nature of consciousness, the meaning of identity, and the imperative of leave some imprint of yourself on the future. A brain spinning, action heavy, cyberpunk noir- Ghost in the Shell.
     How much Spider-Man would Todd McFarlane draw if Todd McFarlane could draw Spider-Man again? All of it forever. But since he can't we got our third 90s comic book adaption this week. The world's greatest black ops assassin is betrayed by future President Josiah Bartlet, goes directly to Hell where he is recruited to lead Scooby-Doo's Army of the Damned, spat back to Earth for reasons that I  guess make as much sense as the Clown has for leaving him alone so much... anyway, it's Spawn.

     Last and most likely least- Frank Miller proves that you can never be TOO incompetent to totally butcher a classic work of staggering genius by urinating on the grave of Will Eisner and in the eye of Robert Rodriguez with The Spirit.
     All that and Craig suffers properly, Dave loses all hope, Tyler rolls in it, and Kevin winds up with bricks of cocoa. Join us, won't you?

Episode 151- Dark Horses

Foot Fetish (Or Get the Bruce Out)

     Anna returns with a vengeance of mighty musical fists against a bossly defense and the madness it awakens.
     A group of best friend forever orphans take down a drug ring. All while being very much anti-ninja, rocking out, teaching the true path of Taekwondo, and getting their beach based romance on. Can their friendship sever the Miami Connection?
     What do you get when you take an abusive hitman, a cult, his buddy's lost love, his wive, and a hunchback? Hint- it is not the next Disney animated classic. Behold the mystery box of Ben Wheatley's Kill List.
     Feel held back by your immigrant parents in 1980s England? Don't worry, salvation can be yours at the low low price of surrendering everything you are and will be at the alter of Springsteen. Javed is a talented young British-Pakistani Muslim who finds his voice in the voice of an American product of corporate greed and complete surrender of self while being Blinded by the Light.
     All that and Anna has a long list, Kevin takes some boudoir shots, Dave suffers greatly at the hands of youth, Craig vows revenge, and Tyler just doesn't get it. Join us, won't you?

Episode 150- Foot Fetish (Or Get the Bruce Out)

Alpha Jox

     In the distant nuclear decimated future the world is divided into the Western Market and the Eastern Confederation. All of humanity's international disputes are decided by one-on-one gladiatorial combat. The combatants are giant mechs piloted by the elite Robot Jox. When the Confederation's best pilot, who has killed his last nine opponents, and the Market's best pilot, who has won his last nine matches, finally clash some on is going to crash and burn.
     Based on a true story and told with a docudrama framing, an Alpha Dogdrug dealer decides to kidnap the young teenage brother of someone who owes him money. The boy takes to his captors as they keep him calm and happy in captivity through a two day party. Meanwhile, the captive's family struggles with his disappearance and the dealer's father tries to work out the best possible outcome for all involved.
     All that and Tyler makes Dave cry, Dave gets revenge, and Kevin pretends he didn't start it all in the first place. High drama everywhere over the digital seas as the quarantine continues. Join us, won't you?

Episode 149- Alpha Jox

Organic Ribald

     This week... A pair of cult comedies about friendship, how to save the environment, the art of clown, and destroying all things we hold dear.

     Pauly Shore brings the least Baldwin into a locked down eco facility, runs some generic gags, and shows us that William Atherton has better comic timing than both of them. Wonder is our hapless protagonists can save the Bio-Dome and how were they not smothered in their sleep at any point?
     A New Jersey clown has a bad idea to inflate his monthly nut and before he knows it is on the receiving end of a redneck trio's... uh... monthly nut. If that isn't enough, being ganged in a motel leads to all the sad clown's dreams coming true. Yeah. Kevin Smith's buddies made something that you might view as a little Vulgar.
     All that and Kevin takes a nap, Tyler awkwardly pops his sterile bubble, Dave decided to talk a social distance walk through an abandoned summer camp, Kieran plots further revenge, and one Craig to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.

Episode 148- Organic Ribald

Shocking Lady Farmers Run Amock (sic)

     A German grandmother comes to investigate the murder of her much younger sister, she is swept up in a web of violence, deceit, and celery seduction. A maybe FBI agent, maybe criminal syndicate assassin, definitely beige man-bear learns how to laugh and love. An emotionally damaged girl who will never mentally age passed five and hides a dark secret... sorta... don't expect a lot of sense in Lady Street Fighter.

     What do you get when you mix 9 parts Aliens with three parts Terminator and one part environmental messaging? Bruno Mattei's Shocking Dark (aka Aliens 2 aka Terminator 2 aka Contaminator aka Alienators aka something else I have no doubt).

     Cults, alien keys, rednecks, expanding blood, a glass coffin made of one strip of Plexiglas. Filmed over three weekends with at least one drinking buddy who does a fantastic James Mason impression and an impressive can-do attitude- Invasion of the Blood Farmers.
     Five American students get the trip of their short lifetimes to the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia. Unfortunately, there is a Horrible Horror Hag and a whole bunch of robed cultists are waiting for them as one is destined to become the virgin bride of Satan.      Teenage pettiness, birth marks, fairly impressive gore, and a really nice basement train set are all set to send you Beyond the Door III (aka Amock Train).
     A quad-barrel of Craig chosen cheese to the chest. Please enjoy, while we spend some times licking our wounds, won't you?

Episode 147- Shocking Lady Farmers Run Amock (sic)