Steven Seagal: Worse Than A Stroke

     This week we close the month with a four pack of Steve Seagal in the 21st Century. 

     When ICE arrest a pair of OTMs (Other Than Mexican) who are affiliated with both AQAP AND Daesh (which would never happen) blows open a conspiracy of the (long defunct) Sonora Cartel smuggling in terrorists. A collaboration for reasons that aren't made very clear. The federal government has only one man to turn to, former DEA/CIA/FBI/USASF asset John Harmon. Harmon once was in a Sonora compound and that's why he's the only man who can lead this mission, the why wasn't made very clear, but for some reason they gave him a... CONTRACT TO KILL!
     The world has fallen to an outbreak of viral vampirism. A band of former military, led by a mysterious man called Tao, roams the wastes killing the infected with bladed weapons and leather coats for... reasons... bad ass reasons you wouldn't understand. Meanwhile, poor deserves better than this Keith David and Linden Ashby clash heads as one wants to, rightly, flash fry the overwhelmed with infected building Tao's group is wondering through for reasons that aren't made very clear. Who can stand... AGAINST THE DARK!!
     Marshall Law, not the Tekken character.... yeah... I got excited too, leads an elite unit for the US Military in France. In theory anyway because his whole unit is murdered on their first night together. This brings Law into an elaborate conspiracy of French mobsters and super drugs... and maybe aliens... who plan on poisoning the Parisian water supply to turn everyone into an addicted murder machine. For reasons that aren't made very clear. Who will survive the... ATTACK FORCE!!!
     After single handedly saving the Vice President of the United States from a militant group's assassination attempt, Detroit detective Orin Boyd, is punished and sent to the city's worst precinct. Before long, Boyd accidentally disrupts a sting operation against drug dealer Latrell Walker and makes an enemy of the undercover officer involved. Soon everything will be made so explicitly clear. Everywhere Boyd goes he leaves a lot of... EXIT WOUNDS!!!!
     All that and Dave takes a boat trip, Craig's machinations finally spring their trap, Kevin reveals the extent of his emotional traumas, and Tyler does so much homework that we all worry for his safety. Join us, won't you?

    Episode 323- STEVEN SEAGAL: WORSE THAN A STROKE

Party by Gaslight

     This week- a missing child might never have existed and a deadly game that could destroy the global economy.

     Ann and her daughter have just moved from New York to London to be close to the only family they have, Ann's brother Steven. Tragedy strikes when Ann goes to pick the child up from her first day at pre-school but her child is nowhere to be seen. To make things worse, it seems no one but the family claims to have ever even seen the girl. Soon a tangled web of mental illness and jealousy will ensnare the Lakes. A mystery from a master- Bunny Lake is Missing.
     Shelly Kornpett is a dentist in Manhattan. He leads a nice calm existence and is happily looking forward to his daughter's wedding with a fine young man. All that changes when, only days before the young lovers exchange vows, he meets Vince Ricardo, father of the groom and teller of ridiculous tales. After being urged by his wife and daughter to be more open to this odd man he will soon be related to, Shelly happily obliges when Vince asks a favor the very next day. A favor that will lead him thousands of miles from home and on the run from a parade of gunmen. A classic double team comedy- The In-Laws.
     All that and Kevin watches from a bush, Tyler gets marked, and Dave gets wet. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 322- Party by Gaslight

Beatroot, Texas

     This week- two trips into unfamiliar territory in vans that become crime scenes.

     When Dean, Duncan, DJ Beatroot, and Ian are dropped off along the road to hike through the highlands for a the Duke of Edinburgh Award, they never dreamed they would be hunted by an older couple wearing masks. Soon the boys are in a desperate fight for their lives with only their limited wits and local fauna excrement to save them. Meanwhile, Sargent Morag hunts a notorious thief. A darling of the 2019 South by Southwest Film Festival and debut feature of writer/director Ninian Doff- Get Duked! (aka Boyz in the Wood).
     It's 1974, for some reason, and a van full of kids are driving through remote and empty backroads they are totally unfamiliar with on their way to see Lynyrd Skynyrd, with front row seats. They decide to pick up a second female wondering the side of the road, probably hoping she will be as friendly as the first one was. Unfortunately, the new pick up is severely traumatized and our leads are too damn thick to not get themselves killed. The first film from Platinum Dunes, the feature debut of prolific music video director Marcus Nispel, and a remake of Craig's favorite horror movie- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003).
     All that and Kevin shouts from the void, Dave eats pizza, Tyler builds a nu metal instrument, and Craig has a existential crisis. Join us, won't we?
  Episode 321- Beatroot, Texas

Work Life Unbalanced

     This week- two films about women at work and the strains it brings.

     May is an awkward and lonely woman whose only friend is a doll in a glass case. Adam, a mechanic with pretty hands, and Polly, the most aggressively predatory lesbian in a 2000s movie, enter her life she begins to take steps into the wider world. Entering a romantic relationship with Adam and endless flirting with Polly at work. When neither relationship works out as May hoped, she decides to make a friend herself. The second feature by Lucky McKee, May.
     Molly is a Yale graduate who works the day shift at a NYC brothel. Following her and her coworkers through a long day on the job. Lizzie Borden's engrossingly nonjudgmental and immaculately detailed look at the world's oldest profession, Working Girls.
     All that and Dave sees some grim grinning ghosts, Craig learns about a secret lover at a will reading, Tyler has a tough choice to make, and Kevin errs on the side of the crowd. Join us, won't we?

    Episode 320- Work Life Unbalanced

Mexican Sausage

    This week- four films from Mexico.

     Immediately before setting off to Europe for an extended trip, Doctor Alejandro Mangino stumbles on a former lover, Lucia, posing as a nude art model. His time on the other side of the Atlantic becomes a fog of booze as the good doctor begins to obsess over his former flame. Upon his return, he discovers Lucia has married his good friend Ricardo. Can the good doctor find his way out or will he be claimed by Crepúsculo (aka Twilight, 1945)?
     Elena is murdered by her husband, an act divined by destiny despite her witchy godmother and housekeeper Sara's pleas to the dark forces. Soon the homicidal husband bring home a new wife, Deborah. Deborah instantly takes a liking to the room where the previous partner took residence but soon vengeance from beyond the mortal veil will attempt to get justice. Will Elena find peace? Will Deborah find the right size bandages? Will Sara get her revenge with El espejo de la bruja (The Witch's Mirror, 1962)?
     Jenkins is a sadistic outlaw. Emiliano is the best bounty hunter in Mexico. But when a local bruja warns Emiliano not to take the bounty, he decides to party it up with his lady Eva instead. Soon outside reasons force Emiliano's hand and he finds himself having to track down Jenkins while a mysterious third party is hunting the hunter. Why is Jenkins still hanging around the area after weeks? Why is torturing snakes the only recreational activity this town has? There are no answers in Víbora caliente (Hot Snake, 1976)
     Working-class Julio, his best friend upper-class Tenoch, and Luisa, the Spanish wife of Tenoch's cousin, set off on a road trip to a beach the boys made up while trying to impress Luisa at a family social event. With only a rough idea of where to go, the trio set off through rural Mexico. The film that brought director and screenwriter Alfonso Cuarón international acclaim, Y tu mamá también (And Your Mother Too, you know I've never heard it referred to by the English title, 2001)
     All that and Tyler puts sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car, Kevin slashes the deputy's tires, Craig takes the pesos, and the id card Dave hands the Board Guard says he's Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets. Join us, won't you?
   Episode 319- Mexican Sausage

Better Than Scarlet Diva?

     This week a pair of European movies about women finding themselves.

     Anna Battista, a young and beautiful award winning actress, is desperate to spread her creative wings. Tragically, everyone tries to keep her down despite everyone around her totally seeing how brilliant she is and how great her movie would be. Even more tragically, Anna has a taste for massive amounts of recreational narcotics, a penchant for racism, and is quick to obsess over the worst musicians she can find. The semi-autobiographical directorial debut from Asia Argento, Scarlet Diva.
     Diane lives with her younger brother and single father. Being a lonely teen with raging hormones, she tries to unsuccessfully explore her burgeoning sexuality with a local boy. Fortunately, a wild new neighbor is happy to drag Anna along on her casual sexual adventures. Will Diane embrace her friend's ways or forge her own path? Some call it an oedipal complex but the French call it Puppylove.
     All that and Kevin waxes lyrical, Dave takes a secret nap, Craig has a fistfight with a hairstylist, and Tyler tries to prove that he's the only man who will love her more than her father.
     Join us, won't we?
   Episode 318- Better Than Scarlet Diva?

Hill Street Boos

    This week- a couple of scam artists and a fistful of cops.

     Rookie cop Roy reports for duty in East LA. He is partnered with Andy, a veteran quickly approaching mandatory retirement. Roy thinks he will only be a cop long enough to make it through law school but, for some, the job becomes their all consuming obsession. Based on the novel by Joseph Wambaugh, The New Centurions.
     George and Kathy Lutz, with Kathy's three children, move into a beautiful home with enough room for all, a massive yard, and private lake access. It's perfect... and shocking affordable, due to one of the previous residents killing their whole family. Soon after they move in, strange things begin to happen. Is the house haunted? Will George reenact the horrific events of the previous owners? Will the priest ever get Ma Bell to fix his phone? The Amityville Horror.
     All that and Dave changes shape, Tyler rolls in something, and Kevin starts betting on internet cat fights. Join us, won't you?

     Episode 317- Hill Street Boos