The Chickens, The Cats, Some T-Birds, and a Rat

     This week we bring 2020 to a close and embrace the warmth of the holidays with that genre that says togetherness like no other... Musicals. Four screeching pitchy nightmare visions of the hell that is 2021 awaiting us all... or not.

     Memories. Of a musical loved by children. A fun and high enery show that familes can love. Turned to creepy. With Dutch ang...les... Every cg face can be a terrifying vision. They don't stay on and Tom Hooper is crying. We saw Cats! It's so easy to flee screaming... 
Okay. Maybe that doesn't work to the tune of Memory.
     The first collaboration between the House of Mouse and the Studio Apartment of Mayhem. A script that blends a classic of English holiday literature with the merry mayhem only Henson can provide, with a strong script and songs that will stay with you for decades... Does it get much better than The Muppet Christmas Carol? 
     Dolly Parton. What else can anyone ask for? Okay, fine. There's also a little Burt Reynolds and a tiny bit of Jim Nabors and a fleeting glimpse of Charles Durning. All together in a Lone Star shaped romp of sex and football and fake news and politics and minor acts of gross use of force and intimidation. It's not some third rate flop, it's The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
     The Next Generation rises to take the reigns from the legends that came before. Supported by a gaggle of legends from the Golden Era. Does it sink or swim? Is there any gas left in Grease 2?

     All that and Anna drinks enough to make the others tolerable company, Kevin plans a heist the likes of which has only come from a Micklewhite, Dave goes full Santa, and Tyler puts lumps of coal in his underoos for maximum pleasure. Join us, won't you?

Episode 185- The Chickens, The Cats, Some T-Birds, and a Rat

Cowabunga-ed in Carbonite

     In the penultimate episode of 2020 we go to two happy places.

     Long long ago in a galaxy far far away, a group of people where chilling, literally, on an ice planet when the evil Empire found them and kicked off a whole bunch of problems for the second to last Jedi, his secret sister, her smuggler lover, his hairy life partner, and their sentient android slaves. Yeah, that's bad but it's The Empire Strikes Back. Hard to find new ways to describe it.
     Long long ago in a city on the East Coast, four teenage ninjas had just taken out the vicious leader of a criminal gang driving the worst petty crime wave in history. Unfortunately, their rest and celebration is cut short as their enemies return thirsty of mutated revenge shenanigans. Also Vanilla Ice is there... what will be revealed by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze?
     All that and Kevin had higher highs and lower lows, Dave does Santa right, and Tyler loves like a loving lover who loves. Join us, won't you?

Episode 184- Cowabunga-ed in Carbonite

Of Gulls and Steel

     This week two tales of men and obsession.

     When a storm turns a four week temp job into an endless nightmare beans get spilled and so does some blood. Is it a brilliant work of art about humanity's most base self or a lot of bright light and fury signifying nothing? Either way there a whole lot to unpack in you take a job at The Lighthouse.

     A train carrying $400 thousand gets robbed by the best led gang in the West. Unfortunately, they get really greedy and steal a gift for the American president and murder one of it's samurai guards. Now an unlikely pair are thrown together on a quest of redemption and revenge. Three of the coolest actors of all time join forces to face the Red Sun.

     All that and Dave remembers, Kevin gets Christmasy, and Tyler suffers for art. Join us, won't you?

Episode 183- Of Gulls and Steel

 

I Know Who Joyrode Me

     This week- two tales of youth in over their heads and at the mercy of corrupt officials.

     Jason and Midget are avid participants in Newark's most popular sport- joyriding. One day they pick the wrong car to an evening drive. Owned by a police officer who will stop at nothing to clear himself in the wrongful shooting of a neighborhood kid. Beware the traffic through a New Jersey Drive.

     The town of New Salem has a predator among its sleepy inhabitants. Terrible pianist and aspiring writer of dinosaur Kindle erotica, Aubrey Fleming, disappears one night after a football game. Days later she is found in a ditch horrifically missing limbs. When she wakes up in the hospital she reveals another shock, that she isn't Aubrey but down-on-her-luck stripper Dakota Moss. Is Dakota her mind protecting her from trauma? Is she really not Aubrey and if so where is the town's favorite fanfic author? All this and more will be revealed, mush to everyone's dismay, as soon as Dakota says I Know Who Killed Me.

     All that and Dave survives another November marathon, Kevin likes to watch, and Tyler does terrible things to himself in the name of art. Join us, won't you? 

Episode 182- I Know Who Joyrode Me

Can You Read Title Cards?

 
   This week three disembodied voices discuss devoiced bodies. 

     A classic that launched 31 years of monster movies. A benchmark performance in the genre which looms just as large 91 years later. The first of a billion chandelier drops. Lon Chaney and company transform one of literature's most absurd characters into a haunting legend that overshadows its source. Read that strange duet with The Phantom of the Opera.

     A permanently smiling clown, desperate for love that he fells he can never deserve, is elevated to the halls of power in an adaption of Victor Hugo's melodrama. The last glorious blast of German expressionism which casts almost as long a shadow over the Universal Monsters as Phantom. Bolstered by one of the most sensitive performances ever filmed. Tragically, they did remove his brutal takedown of English government... The Man Who Laughs.

     The first film of one of the world's most popular characters. Starring by the first man to ever play the part and brought many of the staple to him that the author never envisioned before. Lost for nearly a century. William Gillette kept Sherlock Holmes viable and popular while Doyle desperately tried to forget him. 1916's Sherlock Holmes.

     A commentary on the conditions people face because of modernization. A tedious, lazy, and completely out of touch satire that set the stage for so many luddite arguments to follow. Considered by some his magnum opus despite yet another fair and featureless heroine and a total lack of points to make besides old rich man thinks progress is bad, Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times. Don't worry, not all of us hated it.
All that AND Dave shares the pain, Tyler embraces love, and Kevin plots revenge. Join us, won't you?

Episode 181- Can You Read Title Cards?

Doctor Say Stalk You Out

     This week the world's most popular actor, an emotionally distant cop, a  heart damaged teen, and no more mister nice doctor. 

     Everyone loves Nick Lang and his fun box office powerhouse adventure films. Nick has grown desperate to be taken seriously as an actor. In order to get deep inside a gritty cop, he arranges to tag along with NYPD lieutenant John Moss. Moss is obsessed with catching a killer called "Party Crasher". Wackiness ensues, lessons are learned, and an amazing supporting cast is wasted The Hard Way.
     Because her boyfriend can't stop texting and driving, Sophie Green is in yet another accident. Tragically, this time her broken rib pierces her heart and requires immediate surgery. Fortunately, she by chance gets the best heart surgeon and  specialist in the world, Dr. Albert Beck. Beck's specialty is really a reflection of his desperation to be loved... and he really wants to be loved by Sophie. Too bad he comes on way too strong because he's a big creep and overwhelmingly gross in his desire to lick her in public... which is still step up from her father and boyfriend but let's not unpack that right now. Your broken heart might never get proper medical attention if you are Stalked by My Doctor.

     Also Dave gets a new toy, Kevin chokes on his jealousy, and Tyler curates the fourth largest collection of porn gifs. Join us, won't you?

Episode 180- Doctor Say Stalk You Out

City of Mant

     This week a pair of celebrations of cinema from two very different perspectives. 

     Key West, the Cuban Missile Crisis, teen hormones going crazy from the heat when the fourth greatest showman in the world, Lawrence Woolsey, rolls into town to exhibit his newest masterpiece of radioactive horror! THRILL! as the Greatest Movie within a Movie is Unveiled Before Your Eyes! Witness!! the Terrifying Power of Rumble-Rama!! BEHOLD!!! the Simmering Passions of a People Enthralled by Terror!!! RotP Proudly Presents a Celebration of B-Movie Spirit.... MATINEE!
     People once believed that when a movie died, a Producer carried to the land of the dead. But some times, something makes so much money that a terrible sadness is carried with it, and the Producers can't rest. Then often, far too often, the Producers bring that movie back and put the right things wrong. The sequel to one of the decade's longest shadowed films. A lead who can't emote in English or fight. A villain who seems to have been ripped out of a different movie entirely. The lovely Mia Kirshner in daily fetish wear... THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS.
     All that plus Dave endures, Kevin likes to watch, and Tyler rolls in a tub of vegan Jell-o. Join us, won't you?

Episode 179- City of Mant