Saturday, March 28, 2020

Shocking Lady Farmers Run Amock (sic)



     A German grandmother comes to investigate the murder of her much younger sister, she is swept up in a web of violence, deceit, and celery seduction. A maybe FBI agent, maybe criminal syndicate assassin, definitely beige man-bear learns how to laugh and love. An emotionally damaged girl who will never mentally age passed five and hides a dark secret... sorta... don't expect a lot of sense in Lady Street Fighter.
     What do you get when you mix 9 parts Aliens with three parts Terminator and one part environmental messaging? Bruno Mattei's Shocking Dark (aka Aliens 2 aka Terminator 2 aka Contaminator aka Alienators aka something else I have no doubt).
     Cults, alien keys, rednecks, expanding blood, a glass coffin made of one strip of Plexiglas. Filmed over three weekends with at least one drinking buddy who does a fantastic James Mason impression and an impressive can-do attitude- Invasion of the Blood Farmers.
     Five American students get the trip of their short lifetimes to the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia. Unfortunately, there is a Horrible Horror Hag and a whole bunch of robed cultists are waiting for them as one is destined to become the virgin bride of Satan.      Teenage pettiness, birth marks, fairly impressive gore, and a really nice basement train set are all set to send you Beyond the Door III (aka Amock Train).
     A quad-barrel of Craig chosen cheese to the chest. Please enjoy, while we spend some times licking our wounds, won't you?

Episode 147- Shocking Lady Farmers Run Amock (sic)



Saturday, March 21, 2020

Spartacus Slabbed

     This week it doesn't matter which route you choose, both lead to an express train of pain! CHOO CHOO, BABY!!!
     When a group of astronauts return from a 40 year mission in deep space they find the Earth is ruled mercilessly by alien overlords. These Mantis Masters culinary tastes run to only two flavors- nicely milled lumber and human heads. Will our deep space cadets stoke the embers of freedom lying in every human heart, will the terrible termites Alien Apocalypsebe inevitable? Doesn't matter, it made Tyler cry.
     A pair of teens find some very well maintained abandoned tunnels under a decently maintained abandoned hospital... which has an owner who seems content to do minor repairs and keep the electricity on which is very thoughtful. Waiting in the well lit and fairly clean space is the Deadgirl. Which they immediately rape. Will the boys be caught? Will anything actually semi rational happen in the run time? Doesn't matter, it made Dave weep.
     All that and Kevin flaunts his classy bunker, Dave fixes the holes in his slightly used hermetic tent with duct tape, and Tyler guards his new pandemic love doll from his dog. Join us, won't you?





Saturday, March 14, 2020

You Spinell Me Right Round

This week an accidental double dip of Spinell! That's almost one and one tenth more Spinell than can reasonably be handled! One more... SPINELL!!!!!
William Lustig's transition from porn to slasher! I know that's not a big leap according to some... What happens when you toss a serial killer, a bunch of mannequins, a beautiful photographer, and one of the best head shots in film history? Maniac- 88 sweaty, sticky, grimy, and still wonderful minutes that paved the way for Henry and many more.
Friedkin's New Hollywood swan song, the last of the gritty and mean 70s cinema, a final hurrah at the birth of what would evolve into modern Hollywood... a remake of Wages of Fear. Four men, all on the run and laying low in a sweltering South American backwater, are drafted to deliver two trucks full of old dynamite. One jolt could set off the sweating nitroglycerin needed to put out an oil fire 218 miles away. Does Sorcerer have the magic to make the trip?
All that AND Kevin hunted wild filmmakers at Frightfest, Tyler releases his pet Mandalorian back into the Disney World swamp, and Dave has no idea where he is or who any of you are and get the hell off his lawn. Join us, won't you?



Saturday, March 7, 2020

Songs in the Key of Bleck

     This week the triumphant return of two instead becomes the same knuckleheads being forced to endure...
     Tommy- Ken Russell's adaption of The Who's concept album. It's full of people who don't sing doing their best and people who do sing doing not their best. While also being a low key version of the movie Russell really wanted to make.
     The Apple- take two producers trying to break into Hollywood, a misdiagnoses guess at the next big trend, a heavy dollop of biblical stuff, and film it in Western Berlin. This is what you will get 99 times out of 100...

     All that and Kevin accidentally destabilizes time and space, Tyler feels a hate that is unusual for him, and Dave suffers for all your souls. Join us, won't you?

EPISODE 144- Songs in the Key of Bleck