Traffick Force

    This week- a film about a girl pushed beyond human endurance and a franchise entry that made the internet ridiculously thirsty for a basic whiny tantrum spree killling piss baby.

     When her mother goes to America with her fiancé, Lilya is left to fend for herself. Living in in a tiny squalid apartment, she has few options and no money. When a friend frames her for their own indiscretion, Lilya finds herself suddenly shunned by her community. With only younger and equally lost Volodya for company, she finds herself turning increasingly towards dangerous ways to survive. The big winner at the 2003 Guldbagge Awards and used in today in anti-trafficking campaigns all over Eastern Europe, Lukas Moodysson's staggering work- Lilya 4-ever.
     Long long ago in a galaxy far far away... the New Republic slept on their one job and let a baby fascist group rise in the ruins of the Empire. To make matters worse, the only two who could put a stop to them, the Skywalker Twins, gave them free reign to kidnap children to fill their forces, plot nefarious genocides, and build up their power base because they both decided it was better to not do anything in the grand Jedi tradition. Now, on the eve of a giant weapon of mass destruction's unveiling, the forces of the Republic are on a desperate search for Luke Skywalker. Enter on this scene a young orphan, Ray, and her new deserter bestie, Finn. Together they will bath us in the sweet sweet waters of nostalgia and offer the beginning of a new entry in the world's favorite pair of trilogies- Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
     All that and Kevin and Dave tour Japan in a wooden boat, Tyler shows off his Sith mask collection, and Craig expands his horizons. Join us, won't we?
   Episode 364- Traffick Force
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PADME!

     This week we discuss ancient history in a place not remotely near any of us. 

     It is a time of dishevel as the Trade Federation takes negotiations to drastic levels. Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi attempt to open new lines of communication, only to be hurled into a multi-planet adventure where they will discover The Space Messiah and face off against... STAR WARS: EPISODE 1- The Phantom Menace!
     Ten years have passed and still no Jedi has come to understand the concept of balance. Obi-Wan finds himself on a mission in a missing solar system. Anakin Skywalker finds himself getting funky with a senator in the Naboo lake area. Soon the long brewing war will boil over into full intergalactic slaughter. STAR WARS: EPISODE 2- Attack of the Clones.
     Three more years have come and gone. Anakin feels that not enough of his fellow Jedi kiss his butt enough, so he joins the Dark Side with little to no prompting. Obi-Wan has a side story against a robot general to take him out of the main action. Some folks love it, others do not. Still you can't argue that it's the last in the Prequel Trilogy... STAR WARS: EPISODE 3- Revenge of the Sith.
     Fifteen years ago Galen Erso was ripped from his hiding place to help the Empire build their ultimate weapon and his daughter, Jyn, was taken under the wing of super rebel Saw Gerrera. Since then Jyn has grown into a full tilt bad ass action hero. When Galen gets a message out about a weakness he has hidden in the ultimate weapon, Jyn gathers a team to get the plans and make sure that it is never used on the repressed planets. She gathers a team including BFFs Baze Malbus and Chirrut Îmwe. Unfortunately, the Resistance saddles her with an incompetent babysitter named Cassian Andor. Andor is just there interrupt all character moments and incompetently stumbles in the way of every other while making sure no one ever stops thinking about better similar characters that appeared in the other movies. Andor is the fucking worst and ensures that they can't possibly succeed in Rogue One: A STAR WARS STORY.
     All that and Tyler feels something akin to joy, Dave's suffering manifests as actual tooth pain, and Kevin stops to smell a lot of roses as a desperate measure of holding on to his sanity.
Join us, won't you?

Episode 259- PADME!

Two Flavors of Sand

     This week two films set, at least partially, under the blazing desert sun.

     A military prison in the Libyan Desert where the guards are just as brutal as the land. Five new prisoners, including a former Sargent Major convicted of assaulting his commanding officer, are placed under the charge of Staff Sargent Williams, an equally new guard who sees their suffering as a means of promotion. The first of five collaborations between director Sidney Lumet and star Sean Connery, The Hill.
     The last entry in a trilogy that has enamored generations and spawned a multi-billion dollar franchise. It has been a year since Captain Solo was captured at Cloud City. His friends arrive with a desperate plan to rescue him with the hopes that this victory will help turn around the fortunes of a struggling rebellion. Meanwhile, the last living Jedi master is quickly nearing the end of his life and the Empire are nearly finished rebuilding their ultimate weapon of terror and domination- The Death Star. Before all hope is lost, there will be a Return of the Jedi.
     All that and Tyler has no hesitation, Kevin feels the sting of an unfair fight, and Dave chokes on his cotton candy. Join us, won't you?

Episode 222- Two Flavors of Sand

Cowabunga-ed in Carbonite

     In the penultimate episode of 2020 we go to two happy places.

     Long long ago in a galaxy far far away, a group of people where chilling, literally, on an ice planet when the evil Empire found them and kicked off a whole bunch of problems for the second to last Jedi, his secret sister, her smuggler lover, his hairy life partner, and their sentient android slaves. Yeah, that's bad but it's The Empire Strikes Back. Hard to find new ways to describe it.
     Long long ago in a city on the East Coast, four teenage ninjas had just taken out the vicious leader of a criminal gang driving the worst petty crime wave in history. Unfortunately, their rest and celebration is cut short as their enemies return thirsty of mutated revenge shenanigans. Also Vanilla Ice is there... what will be revealed by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze?
     All that and Kevin had higher highs and lower lows, Dave does Santa right, and Tyler loves like a loving lover who loves. Join us, won't you?

Episode 184- Cowabunga-ed in Carbonite