Can You Read Title Cards?

 
   This week three disembodied voices discuss devoiced bodies. 

     A classic that launched 31 years of monster movies. A benchmark performance in the genre which looms just as large 91 years later. The first of a billion chandelier drops. Lon Chaney and company transform one of literature's most absurd characters into a haunting legend that overshadows its source. Read that strange duet with The Phantom of the Opera.

     A permanently smiling clown, desperate for love that he fells he can never deserve, is elevated to the halls of power in an adaption of Victor Hugo's melodrama. The last glorious blast of German expressionism which casts almost as long a shadow over the Universal Monsters as Phantom. Bolstered by one of the most sensitive performances ever filmed. Tragically, they did remove his brutal takedown of English government... The Man Who Laughs.

     The first film of one of the world's most popular characters. Starring by the first man to ever play the part and brought many of the staple to him that the author never envisioned before. Lost for nearly a century. William Gillette kept Sherlock Holmes viable and popular while Doyle desperately tried to forget him. 1916's Sherlock Holmes.

     A commentary on the conditions people face because of modernization. A tedious, lazy, and completely out of touch satire that set the stage for so many luddite arguments to follow. Considered by some his magnum opus despite yet another fair and featureless heroine and a total lack of points to make besides old rich man thinks progress is bad, Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times. Don't worry, not all of us hated it.
All that AND Dave shares the pain, Tyler embraces love, and Kevin plots revenge. Join us, won't you?

Episode 181- Can You Read Title Cards?

Doctor Say Stalk You Out

     This week the world's most popular actor, an emotionally distant cop, a  heart damaged teen, and no more mister nice doctor. 

     Everyone loves Nick Lang and his fun box office powerhouse adventure films. Nick has grown desperate to be taken seriously as an actor. In order to get deep inside a gritty cop, he arranges to tag along with NYPD lieutenant John Moss. Moss is obsessed with catching a killer called "Party Crasher". Wackiness ensues, lessons are learned, and an amazing supporting cast is wasted The Hard Way.
     Because her boyfriend can't stop texting and driving, Sophie Green is in yet another accident. Tragically, this time her broken rib pierces her heart and requires immediate surgery. Fortunately, she by chance gets the best heart surgeon and  specialist in the world, Dr. Albert Beck. Beck's specialty is really a reflection of his desperation to be loved... and he really wants to be loved by Sophie. Too bad he comes on way too strong because he's a big creep and overwhelmingly gross in his desire to lick her in public... which is still step up from her father and boyfriend but let's not unpack that right now. Your broken heart might never get proper medical attention if you are Stalked by My Doctor.

     Also Dave gets a new toy, Kevin chokes on his jealousy, and Tyler curates the fourth largest collection of porn gifs. Join us, won't you?

Episode 180- Doctor Say Stalk You Out

City of Mant

     This week a pair of celebrations of cinema from two very different perspectives. 

     Key West, the Cuban Missile Crisis, teen hormones going crazy from the heat when the fourth greatest showman in the world, Lawrence Woolsey, rolls into town to exhibit his newest masterpiece of radioactive horror! THRILL! as the Greatest Movie within a Movie is Unveiled Before Your Eyes! Witness!! the Terrifying Power of Rumble-Rama!! BEHOLD!!! the Simmering Passions of a People Enthralled by Terror!!! RotP Proudly Presents a Celebration of B-Movie Spirit.... MATINEE!
     People once believed that when a movie died, a Producer carried to the land of the dead. But some times, something makes so much money that a terrible sadness is carried with it, and the Producers can't rest. Then often, far too often, the Producers bring that movie back and put the right things wrong. The sequel to one of the decade's longest shadowed films. A lead who can't emote in English or fight. A villain who seems to have been ripped out of a different movie entirely. The lovely Mia Kirshner in daily fetish wear... THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS.
     All that plus Dave endures, Kevin likes to watch, and Tyler rolls in a tub of vegan Jell-o. Join us, won't you?

Episode 179- City of Mant

Holy Fist

      This week two classics of their genres. Two films from lands outside of Hollywood. Two titans whose shadows cast long over the valley of film and solidified their creators as masters. Two films with endless monologues about nothing pretending to be insightful...

     One of the most famous Mexican films ever produced. Headed by a massively multi-hyphenate, writer-director-composer-editor-set designer-costume designer-star, Alejandro Jodorowsky. All the esoteric you can handle and a heaping helping of exploding frogs. Can he lead the worst people on Earth to the enlightenment waiting atop The Holy Mountain?

     What happens when a TV series based on a manga takes all the violence they can't show on broadcast and rearranges it for theatrical distribution to get their gore on? Possibly the best post-apocalyptic action film to not feature anyone named Max or Carradine. When Ken is left for dead after being betrayed by his best friend and all the others he called brothers, he goes on a quest to clean the wastes and rescue his kidnapped lover, Julia. The legend, the myth, the seventh goriest film we have watched... Fist of the North Star.
     All that AND Dave finally breaks, Tyler reveals his secret plans, and Kevin finally pops that balloon. Join us, won't you?

EPISODE 178- Holy Fist

Halloween- Timeline Turmoil

 Drawing October to a close with the final five nights He came home.

After falling down a well last year, Michael Myers finds himself fully recovered and tries to take custody of his traumatized niece. He finds all of the town once again standing against him. Will he finally get The Revenge of Michael Myers?

While trying to bring home a troubled teen, Michael finds himself having to deal with an obsessed Tommy Doyle and a new generation of Strodes. Fortunately, this time he has some help from a druidic cult. Unfortunately, Dr. Loomis is trying his best to bring about The Curse of Michael Myers.

Timeline 2!!!!

Laurie did not have a daughter and did not die in a car accident in 1980. Instead she faked her death, spent the last 18 years living under an assumed named, and has been teaching English at a rich kids prep school while raising a son. A son who has just turned 17... the same age Laurie was when Michael appeared... the same age Judith was when she met her tragic end. Will Michael finally find the loving relative he has craved or will he have to wait for H20: 20 Years Later again?

Three years after failing to make amends, Michael goes home to try and find comfort as he mourns Laurie, who died in a mental care facility after murdering a poor EMT who tried to help Michael. Unfortunately, Haddonfield refuses to not torment him. Finding his home overrun with college kids competing in a new streaming reality show. No matter how hard you try to run the past is always waiting for Resurrection. 

Timeline 3!
The Darkest Timeline... the Rob Zombie Timeline!!!!! If you want to hear out thoughts you will have to go all the way back to 2017 and listen to episode 23, Popstars Go to Haddonfield.
Timeline 4- Current until inevitable 2025 reboot!
40 years after meeting Michael Myers, Laurie Strode has been planning and preparing. Tragically, her innate survival instinct has been a wedge between her and her family. Fortunately, she was right to listen to herself as 62-year old Michael has escaped from his incarceration and is roaming the streets of Haddonfield... in obvious need of assistance because dude keeps walking into the wrong homes and has no idea where or who he is. Let's Halloween (2018) again.

Episode 177- Halloween Timeline Turmoil

Halloween: 3 Hard Mikes and A Drunk Doctor

     October Horror gathers speed as we crash through the first four films in the Halloween franchise!

    After fifteen years in an asylum, Michael Myers decides its time to take a small walk around his hometown and take in the decorations on Halloween.
    Michael walks to the local hospital, after wounds received earlier that evening, and doesn't receive anything resembling quality care in Halloween II.

    A doctor with a drinking problem and sexual addiction has a breakdown and imagines a ridiculous conspiracy involving the better masks his ex bought for the children he emotionally abuses due to his never ending midlife crisis... or not. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch.

    Finally Mike wakes up from a decade long coma inflicted on him by an obsessed doctor in his last appearance. He decides to go home and try to forge a relationship with his only remaining living relative. Unfortunately, the niece's adoptive sister decides she can't share her with anyone in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. 

    All that and the existential dread the rest of the series conjures gnaws away at the crew. Join us, won't you?

Episode 178- Halloween: 3 Hard Mikes and A Drunk Doctor

Taste the Rainbow

      October Horror continues as we are joined by Christianne Benedict to take a look at four LGBTQIA+ themed films.

    Paris in the summer of 1979. Anne, a director of gay pornographic films, is left by her editor and girlfriend, Lois. While Anne struggles with this, her actors begin being murdered by a mysterious leather clad person with a grudge. Will Anne finish her magnum opus, Homocide, before she stands alone? Will she and Lois find closure? What is the deal with the mystical bird? There might be answers in Knife + Heart.

    Brad and Janet, a pair of young loving lovers who love, are so excited for their engagement they decide they have to visit the professor whose class they first met during. A minor bit of bad luck, during a torrential storm, brings them to the castle of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. This night will be one of tests and awakenings as the vanilla couple are shown such sights. All with some really upbeat music and one of film's most charismatic performances ever. Are you trembling with anticip................ation for The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

    Just a little movie about Jack & Diane, two American kids doing the best that they can. Okay, part of that is a lie. A movie about the least realistic young lesbian relationship ever put to film. It's a strong claim but I still don't get why they are a thing. Also features some burgeoning young desire as lycanthropy thing crammed in. You know, it's just a bad movie. Seriously, why did anyone give these people money? Listen to us eviscerate it because that's all it's good for. Or maybe it's a modern classic? Probably not.

    Gunnar and Einar's relationship is over. One has moved on and the other has secluded himself in a cabin out in the middle of Iceland's beautiful but cold pastures. A drunken phone call brings them back together to deal with the ghosts of their past inside and the ghosts haunting the lava fields outside. Can closure be found? Is the emotional momentum of a relationship worth the toll when it's ripped away? Can anything put the ghosts of your past to rest? Is there any way to heal a Rift (Rökkur)?

Episode 175- Taste the Rainbow