Armored Tales

     This week- two films about people driven to extreme measures to try and grab a small bit of happiness.

     A Queen is desperate for a child but jealousy overtakes her love. An older woman is pursued by an oversexed king and drives her sister to an extreme. A King is obsessed with his pet and neglects his familial duties. An epic Italian-UK-French co-production recounting stories from Giambattista Basile's Pentamerone- Tale of Tales (Italian title: Il racconto dei racconti)
     A criminal mastermind plots his biggest heist yet. A low-level crook obsesses over his ex-wife. A burlesque dancer prepares to escape. A trio of cops bumble around the City of Angels on everyone's trail. An early film from Richard Fleischer who would spend the next three decades making tentpole star vehicles- Armored Car Robbery.

     All that plus Craig gets philosophical while Dave and Kevin burn. Join us, won't you?       Episode 475- Armored Tales

We've Got Wyrms

     This week a trio of movies with dragons. 

     When Babydoll is committed by her stepfather, placed on the quick lobotomy list by an evil orderly... and... she gets part of her brain removed which sends her into a dual layered fantasy world where she images herself plotting her way to freedom from sex slavery and fighting a guerilla war against male oppression. Full of director Zack Snyder's usual flourishes and video game level styled fights... if you question its messaging and intent you will feel a Sucker Punch.
     A knight of "The Old Code" spends years training and teaching Prince Einon in the hopes he will be a better king than his tyrannical father. When suppressing a rebellion, the king is killed but Einon is accidentally grievously wounded. Desperate, his mother and the knight take the prince to a dragon who makes a pact and saves the prince's life. Soon, Einon shows himself to be worse than his father and the knight vows to make the dragon pay for corrupting the prince. Eventually the last knight and the last dragon will face off and see what makes a Dragonheart.
     Urland is being terrorized by Vermithrax Pejorative, a 400-year old dragon. In order to appease the creature, the king has been running a lottery to choose a sacrificial virgin twice a year. Valerian, a youth from a small town, leads a group to plead their case to Ulrich, the last sorcerer. Soon politics, religion, and the end of the time of magic will collide as someone who should never be a hero, Ulrich's apprentice Galen, has the responsibility for all dropped on him. Will he fold under the weight or rise to be the Dragonslayer?
   All that and Dave gets some TV time, Kevin tries many flavors, and Tyler finds that when he gets angry he transforms into a large green force of destruction. Join us, won't you?

Episode 263- We've Got Wyrms

 

Lost in D'Onofrio

      A movie about a family lost in outer space and one about someone lost in inner space. 

     When serial killer Carl Stargher is found comatose on his kitchen floor, a desperate detective turns to an experimental therapy to help find her location. The therapy requires Catherine Deane to dive deep into Stargher's subconscious. A visual marvel from a master of imagery. Can anyone escape from The Cell.

     The year is 2058 and Earth is dying. In order to prepare a new world for colonization the family Robinson launch in the Jupiter II to build the other end of a jumpgate. Tragically, the missions is sabotaged by the villainous Doctor Smith just before launch. Now the Robinsons, their pilot, and Smith are all light-years and decades off target and in a part of the galaxy never before seen by human eyes. Why they sent a family comprised of three doctors and two preteens instead of, I don't know, an experienced deep space construction crew is a mystery for the ages. Not that it matters. All that matters is the Robinsons are Lost in Space!!!
     All that and Tyler makes a sacrifice to the bewb tube, Kevin watches a very long documentary, and Dave feels feelings he's just not ready to feel. Join us, won't you? 

Episode 204- Lost in D'Onofrio

Bling in the Dark

      This week a bunch of young people struggling with darkness, I guess? Sure, why not? 

     What happens when a bunch of bored white kids in a rich area of California realize that famous people are just as bad at security as their grandma? What happens when they, fortunately, know a fence willing to deal with teens who can't keep their mouths shut? They got breaking in and taking stuff, duh-doy. What happens when they get so bold that they no longer fear being caught? What drives them to this? I don't know because I didn't read the article or book the movie is based on. The Bling Ring.
     Come and I will tell you a tale of a boy and girl and their love story. Sorry, wrong movie. A pseudo-hobbit finds a child... Wrong again. An oil fetishist who speaks to animals... no. The warrior who will be king... no. Jeez. There were a lot of fantasy movies in the mid-1980s. This one is Legend. You know, the one with Tim Curry being all sexy and awesome and you know that made you question things in ways you weren't ready to deal with.
     All that and Tyler gets his Vin on, Dave self-harms, and Kevin judges them like a Busey. Join us, won't you?

Episode 196: Bling in the Dark